Scorp - I really believe that you need to go back and carefully read the advice that you have been given. You have received excellent advice from people that I highly respect on this board. And yet, you just continue to justify you actions over and over again. What you and your wife are doing at the moment is not working. So maybe you should listen to some of the advice that others have to offer. We are actually trying to help you improve your situation.
This current discussion about next week with your kids started by you asking whether or not you should take the kids and not tell their mom until after the fact that you were taking them for a week. Not only is this childish and not in the best interest of your children, I would consider it kidnapping (which is what I believe your wife did when she left). NO ONE has the right to take children without telling another spouse. If I was happily M to my H and one day he took the kids and sent me an email saying, "oh by the way I took the kids on a week long vacation, see you next Friday" I would lose my mind. So you can say all you want that you are their dad and you are entitled to 50/50, but you are not handling this in the best interest of your children.
For months and months, you sat at home waiting and not seeing your children. Now, you have done a complete 180 and are demanding 50/50, which in my opinion is a huge change for your children. You are so stuck on the 50/50 custody thing. 50/50 custody should be your ultimate goal. Be willing to take baby steps to get there.
My own sitch is an example of why I don't think 50/50 custody right now is in the best interest of my children. I know that my stich is different than yours, but I figured I would share. My H moved out of our home almost 10 months ago. My children have no idea that my H does not live in our house. The kids have not noticed because my H was so absent the prior two years that he was never there to begin with. He would come to teacher parent conferences and sports events, but I was the primary care giver. My H has a long list of reasons and justifications for why he was not here. But those reasons and justifications mean nothing to the kids. For the past two/three years, I have been their rock. H can leave for an entire week on business and the kids don't even bat an eye. Last week our schedule switched a bit and I did not see the kids two nights in a row and S5 was so upset. They love my H and my H loves them, but if we switched to 50/50 right now, my kids would be devastated. It would not be in their best interest.
We have worked up to a schedule where my H has them three days a week and I have them four. We both attends sporting events and school conferences. It works for us and the most importantly the kids. Does it mean that it will always be this way? Nope. But based on my H's actions and decisions the past two years, it is what is best for our children now.
You are going to fight with your W forever if you both dig your feet in the sand and refuse to move. Move to where your kids are and start integrating into their lives. Start to increase your time with your children slowly so that it a smooth transition for the kids. And maybe, just maybe your co-parenting R with your W will improve when she sees you acting reasonably, in the best interest of your children.
The ultimate question is "do you want to be right or do you want to be happy." If you want to prove that you are right and entitled, then by all means continue to push the 50/50 custody thing right now. Spends years fighting with your W in court. Or choose to find happiness, which starts with you developing a good plan to phase in changes over time.
