It's been a extremely rough week and very emotional one for me. Knowing I supported w to get to where she is today with everything I got, but my pay back was betrayal. No thank you or single phone call to show appreciation for my support and understanding for all the yrs I cried and prayed to God to answer her prayer. I was her rock for 8yrs. I stood by her from the beginning of her journey to becoming a M.D and was present to the end.
The first person W called was OM. They both celebrated her good news together. It felt like yesterday, that I drove her to her now final interview. I assured her everything will work out this time around and will be supportive of her goal to the end. I did all that, but my pay back was collateral betrayal. I'm human, and have the right to feel this way.
I'm traveling today to spend the weekend and next week with my daughter. I'm looking forward to seeing her and doing some fun stuff with her.
As for me, all I can do now is take a look at me and fix everything that was lost/broken during this betrayal. I'm doing that already! I'm doing everything in my power to talk to my daughter 4 to 5times a week. I'm working out, riding my bike and looking forward to going back to work in two month. I'm getting out more now and reconnecting with some old friends from school. I also just signed up for cooking class at whole food. I'll be fine! I know that from the bottom of my heart.
Sorry you've had such a rough week Lost, you are spot on when you say your human and have every right to feel the way you do - be kind to yourself and allow those feelings, sometimes it does us good to just let them flow.
Carry on with building your life & enjoy your time with your daughter have a lovely weekend & keep your chin up.
Divorce Final: Oct 2014
Your struggles today, develop strength for tomorrow...
Thank you so much. I need to vent before I get on the plane to see my daughter. I planned on having a good weekend with her. I'm doing a lot better and not afraid anymore. Looking forward to a great weekend with my daughter. Thanks and enjoy your weekend.
I came here 4month ago needing help and advice with saving my marriage and family. A lot has happened since my last post over a month plus ago. Wife still continue with affair and not willing to work on our marriage. It has been 5month and my w affair still continues strong. In fact she called it relationship now. Whatever! I don't care anymore. I'm working on me, taking care of my daughter and living my life without her in it. She claimed she's not INLOVE with him and stated this young OM is a temporary fix. I've tried not to pressure her and talk little about us. She claimed she's not happy and wants a new marriage. She also accused me of ruining any opportunity of any reconciliation between us. I don't know about that, but that's okay at this point. She never really express her reason for all this but claim she's not happy and want out of the marriage.
I was prideful in myself and in my marriage. I believed that I was better than other people and that I had a marriage that was above any else's. I thought we were bulletproof and untouchable, wrong! I was dead wrong. My whole sitch is worse than anyone could ever imagine.
On a positive note, I had the best time of my life spending three weeks with my daughter. Father and daughter connection was great! I took her out shopping, went to the aquariums, zoo and amusement park. She loved it and thank me for being there for her. The father and daughter love connection was undeniable between us. She was loving and appreciative of every single thing I did for her. I also went back to spend Easter weekend with her last week. W was away but I spent the weekend spending quality time with my D. W asked me to pick her from the airport 2days into my visit, I did without any complain. She asked if I like her new shoe, I politely told her yes and focus my attention on my daughter. She also asked if the pant I have on were new. I told her yes without any further conversation about it. I was a little sad on my last day. My 4yrs old daughter asked me to sit with her at park. "She said mummy is not happy and mad at you" I honestly don't know where she got that from. I asked my W but she ignored the conversation. She also also came clean that same day by telling me her and OM has been spending time going out with my daughter on weekend. Going out to eat, mall and movies. I was crushed and couldn't hold back the tears, I ask her why but no answer. She told me OM gives her advice and pay close attention to our situation. She also told me they've both talked about long distance relationship but she's not interested in doing long distance with him. Her last world that afternoon was we need time apart. She asked for a hug at the airport, I respectfully decline. I don't see myself hugging her after divulging all that nonsense about OM holding my daughter at the mall.
Ultimately, I was wrong for thinking maybe she was coming around. Anytime I see or think there is progress, she runs to the OM. Has to be something there psychologically for her, but I need to not worry about her. Two weeks ago she said she will stop talking to OM and ready to work on our marriages, false! She says stuff to have her way and back to him same day or next.
I'm just going to keep going with my activities and keep working on me. This is going to take a long time. Will be interesting to see how I feel if when I reach a point where I decide what I would actually like to do. For example, do I really want to be M to someone that has treated me like this. Someone who have no respect for me and my daughter.
I've come a long way from drinking and crying everyday, the tears and pain is still there but not like when I first came to this board. I'm also back to work!!! Thanks to everyone on this board for supporting me and advising me to take care of me and not to give up on my career. I've a long way to go but with God all things are possible.
I've no single communication with her family, except from her father who owes me money. We hardly talk about my W, Just business and that's it. He now addresses me as soon to be ex son in law lol. All I can do is smile and focus my attention on the topic of the money he owed me for 2yrs.
I think it's time to go completely dark. Any advice on doing this with a 4yrs old?
I came here 4month ago needing help and advice with saving my marriage and family. A lot has happened since my last post over a month plus ago. Wife still continue with affair and not willing to work on our marriage. It has been 5month and my w affair still continues strong. In fact she called it relationship now. Whatever! I don't care anymore. I'm working on me, taking care of my daughter and living my life without her in it. She claimed she's not INLOVE with him and stated this young OM is a temporary fix. I've tried not to pressure her and talk little about us. She claimed she's not happy and wants a new marriage. She also accused me of ruining any opportunity of any reconciliation between us. I don't know about that, but that's okay at this point. She never really express her reason for all this but claim she's not happy and want out of the marriage.
I was prideful in myself and in my marriage. I believed that I was better than other people and that I had a marriage that was above any else's. I thought we were bulletproof and untouchable, wrong! I was dead wrong. My whole sitch is worse than anyone could ever imagine.
On a positive note, I had the best time of my life spending three weeks with my daughter. Father and daughter connection was great! I took her out shopping, went to the aquariums, zoo and amusement park. She loved it and thank me for being there for her. The father and daughter love connection was undeniable between us. She was loving and appreciative of every single thing I did for her. I also went back to spend Easter weekend with her last week. W was away but I spent the weekend spending quality time with my D. W asked me to pick her from the airport 2days into my visit, I did without any complain. She asked if I like her new shoe, I politely told her yes and focus my attention on my daughter. She also asked if the pant I have on were new. I told her yes without any further conversation about it. I was a little sad on my last day. My 4yrs old daughter asked me to sit with her at park. "She said mummy is not happy and mad at you" I honestly don't know where she got that from. I asked my W but she ignored the conversation. She also also came clean that same day by telling me her and OM has been spending time going out with my daughter on weekend. Going out to eat, mall and movies. I was crushed and couldn't hold back the tears, I ask her why but no answer. She told me OM gives her advice and pay close attention to our situation. She also told me they've both talked about long distance relationship but she's not interested in doing long distance with him. Her last world that afternoon was we need time apart. She asked for a hug at the airport, I respectfully decline. I don't see myself hugging her after divulging all that nonsense about OM holding my daughter at the mall.
Ultimately, I was wrong for thinking maybe she was coming around. Anytime I see or think there is progress, she runs to the OM. Has to be something there psychologically for her, but I need to not worry about her. Two weeks ago she said she will stop talking to OM and ready to work on our marriages, false! She says stuff to have her way and back to him same day or next.
I'm just going to keep going with my activities and keep working on me. This is going to take a long time. Will be interesting to see how I feel if when I reach a point where I decide what I would actually like to do. For example, do I really want to be M to someone that has treated me like this. Someone who have no respect for me and my daughter.
I've come a long way from drinking and crying everyday, the tears and pain is still there but not like when I first came to this board. I'm also back to work!!! Thanks to everyone on this board for supporting me and advising me to take care of me and not to give up on my career. I've a long way to go but with God all things are possible.
I've no single communication with her family, except from her father who owes me money. We hardly talk about my W, Just business and that's it. He now addresses me as soon to be ex son in law lol. All I can do is smile and focus my attention on the topic of the money he owed me for 2yrs.
I think it's time to go completely dark. Any advice on doing this with a 4yrs old?
It's hard to go dark with young kids. However, I describe myself as treating h cordially like a distant business associate. I don't initiate conversations but I smile and say have a nice day as I'm walking out the door. I never, ever, ever reach out unless it is a necessity. You can do this I'm happy to hers you've been enjoying your daughter. You are building a unique bond with her.
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
Thank for the advice. I've come a long way but still have lots of work ahead of me. I'm gradually rebuilding myself and fixing everything that was lost in my situation. I took the car I bought for W back to the dealership last week. Even though the transaction came at a big loss, I still feel good finally strong enough to get rid of it. Work is going great! I'm focus and removing my marital headache from my 8-5 job. My daughter will continue to be my number one priority.
Almost 7month into this and life is starting to slowly get better. Wife said she will Stop affair but to be honest I don't believe a single word from her mouth. Communication with OM has reduced but they still talk and text. She told me it will take time for her to stop cold turkey. To be honest, I don't care. We talk more now, mostly about irrelevant stuff. I guess I'm okay with that. I talked to her about my daughter and not what she doing with OM. W said she already stopped cake eating and not spending time with OM. I don't believe her and probably will not waste my time hopping that will fix us. W said she still need space to process her feeling and other demons in her head. She should be home in three weeks (she's staying with her parent while home) she will be moving to Arkansas in a month after that, I guess to give new OM a shot. She plan on keeping our daughter with her parent for 6month while she get settled with her new job. I told her that will not be a option for me me. "I told her I want my daughter with me and that will be my final answer to that". She claimed I'm not giving her enough time to slowly stopped the affair. I don't care and not studying her anymore. I'm back to work and focusing on my job and daughter. It's hard to erase everything she did. Very difficult your! I honestly don't know what the future holds but glad I came here to get help. I'm still dealing with disappointment, betrayal and all that was lost. I can't believe it took 7month for me to get here. I'm thankful to everyone that gave advice and follow my sitch. Eric, sandi2, lostforward, March1, job, dbmod, D2ndday,georgiabelle. Yes21, unbidden, lost21, planet. Thank you!!! And to everyone I didn't mention or forget, thank you!! To all my friend, husband, wife in same situation, pls keep your head up and keep your focus on you and what's important to you. This does get better with time! I still have a long way to go, but all things are possible With God.
have a lovely weekend & keep your chin up.