Now that I feel very badly about being condescending towards cat which I honestly never meant to do, I am going to be much more careful in how I word my posts and try to not let my stress come through so much! Again, sorry about that!
Anyway, yesterday was day one with my parents in town. I spoke to them at their hotel before heading home to have dinner with W and kids. My parents are special people and I'm very lucky to have them in my life. I told them that W is worried that they are "mad" at her for all that has happened from B-day on. They said again that they remember all the stories my W told them about how my FIL treated her, how he hurt her and her brother all their lives. How the divorce had affected her and her family and don't understand how she would want to put her own family through that. They also told me that last year, just before B-day, my FIL came to visit them out of the blue. He lives 900+ miles from them and he just showed up at their house one day! Of course, they were nice (they had no idea what was about to go down)and welcomed him, had dinner together, etc.
My dad said FIL was asking "odd" questions about me, our marriage, the kids. He asked about my oldest D and her problems and my parents told him that she had stayed the summer before with them and how she had acted out but that she settled down after members of my family spoke to her and they know that she really is a good kid she was just having a bad time. Apparently he told them he had heard she was a "bad egg" and he didn't think she would ever have a 'good life" (she was 16 years old and a sophmore in HS and he wants to give up on her!??). My dad said at the time he didn't understand why he came, they hardly know the man and thought it odd the questions he was asking. Like I said, this man has been pushing my W to leave not just me but her kids so he could take her to Europe, sailing to Alaska, etc.I didn't know just how far he would go to get his way!
They also told me that my brothers wife's brother is going through the same type of thing with his W. They had just finished building their 'dream home" and he came home one day and she had changed all the locks and told him this was HER house now and she wanted a divorce! She had been losing weight, hanging out with new people, partying until all hours for a while before this and sounds to me like she's in the middle of her own MLC! Well, he hasn't taken it well and tried to commit suicide a couple weeks ago and is in the hospital and can't understand what happened to his W or his marriage. They have been M for almost 30 years and have 3 kids (all grown)! I swear there is an epidemic of MLC going around!
My parents say they still love my W or at least the W they knew. They haven't seen her since her MLC started and haven't seen the "new" her. Last time they saw her she was talking about how hard it was to keep the kids in private school but how it was worth it. The night went well. My W actually cooked dinner! (she hasn't made a single meal in at least 2 years that didn't come out of a can). She was nice to them, they were nice to her, they hugged her and she hugged them back. They thanked her for dinner and going through all the trouble for them. All in all a nice time was had by all. I do think it pains my W that my kids love my parents so much but don't like being around her dad. Of course, no one is to blame for that except her father and how he chooses to treat the people in his life. I think she so wants them to see him in the new way she is seeing him, even if that is clouded by her MLC fog!
Later, after they left to go back to the hotel, my W told me that she needed to go see her grandmother after work today and asked if that would be alright as she wouldn't be back until later and I would need to make dinner for everyone and she wouldn't be there while they were there and didn't want to be rude. I couldn't believe this was the same person who has been running off for weeks at a time and leaving me alone to take care of the kids, house, dogs, bills, etc. with no care at all! Of course I told her that was fine and do what ever she felt she needed to do, I would be fine. I also thanked her for dinner and for making my parents feel at home and welcome. That didn't go well as she started a bit of a spew about what did I think she would do, be horrible? I just smiled and said no, I just wanted to let her know I appreciated the effort she went to for all of us and she made up the couch (this was the first time in many months she took her sheets and pillows off the couch or as she puts it "her bed")and I went to bed.
Since Dec. I haven't asked my W to do or not do anything. I have given her nothing but space and support and have been very careful to not be at all judgemental or show any unhappiness about anything she has done. I have let her be in total control of her own life while I tried to make a life of my own without expecting anything from her. Still, she thinks I'm somehow the cause of all her unhappiness and pain. I'm starting to think that she has gotten it in her head that I have been telling the people in my life like my parents that she has been awful or that she is a "bad person". I know that back soon after B-day I was emailing my parents a few hours after one of our R talks and she was angry asking me what horrible things I'm saying about her. Of course, I hadn't said anything at all like that and I guess that is what's called "projecting"? She knows on some level that what she is doing isn't "right" so I must be saying bad things about her? Not sure about this.
So, day one went better than I could have expected and I guess we'll see over the next week how things go!
