W continues to display...contradictory...behavior. She came home from work last night and got into bed with me and put her head on my chest and fell asleep.
She also revealed to me that she is realizing she is severely codependent, and it has kept her from feeling like she can voice her opinions, thoughts, and feelings to me when she thinks they might hurt or anger me. She said she realizes it's not because of any negative reaction on my part, it's something inside her that prevents her from doing it, and that she realizes that's what she brought to the marital breakdown...she realizes that her stifling her feelings led to hostility and resentment and a feeling within her that the only way to escape it would be to escape the marriage. So, that's something she is making a conscious effort to address.
However, I had been thinking that maybe the reason she hasn't moved out yet is because she was having private doubts about her decision to leave. This perception of mine has been fueled by her behavior and the extent to which we're still getting along so well and doing things together...in fact, she makes a point of telling me how much she wants me around. I'm realizing though that this is maybe (ha, maybe) a case of things not being what they seem. Father-in-law told me that W was over at his house a couple of days ago, and that while she had mentioned a lot of my changes, the bulk of what she was there to talk about was "bargaining" with him about the house rules he said he was going to put in place when/if W moves in. Basically he said that at least during the week W needed to plan on having her life be "work, home, kids" and that W should know that the going out whenever and wherever that she does now wasn't going to fly in his house. FIL said W got real "huffy" about it with him.
So I'm realizing that W may not be staying in our marital home because she's waffling, but rather because in our house she has almost complete freedom to do what she wants when she wants, and that will for the most part come to an end if she moves in with her parents (plus I won't be around anymore Monday through Friday, so the bulk of the parenting that I've been doing will now fall on her). Kind of opened my eyes, and got me thinking about the trip to Atlantic City she'll be taking in a couple of weeks with her friends, and the "girls nights" out she has all the time... all of which she gets to do because I'm still around.
Kind of brought up the feeling again that maybe I should tell her she's got to move now. Try it on for size and see how she likes it.
H: 43 W: 37 M: 11 years T: 12 years S: 11 D: 8 ILYBINILWY, "I want to move out" and "I want a divorce": 3/23/14 MC started: 9/22/14 Affair and past infidelity discovered: 9/26/14 Piecing: 10/20/14
