AJ, thanks so much for dropping by and giving me some perspective on the situation.
I think some of the timescale issues comes from the few friends that know about the sit. the general concensus is forget him and get on with your life, which is fine, but they haven't any idea of the emotional impact behind it all.
I spent a year visiting a councillor, who was very understanding of the sit, and he was more that aware of all the questions I had ( I need to know the ins and outs of everything) but as he pointed out, I could ask my X as many questions as I liked but was unlikely to get an answer. Not because he wouldn't tell me (although a possibility) but more likely he didn't know the answers either! I found him useful in another way too, I could get all my frustrations and anger out in the open, then walk away knowing they wouldn't come back and bite me in the bum, but also I could then deal with my X in a much calmer manner. Too far away to visit him now, but his advice does linger...
My hurt and anger this time round was a lot of my own doing - looking at his facebook page - it wasn't seeing pics of them together, it was some of the comments. From people who have only known him a couple of year max, or only via facebook, who said how much better he is now his is with wifey dah de dah de dah. Ugh. They have NO idea who he really is, or who I am for that matter. Or of the long kind and loving relationship we had.
And some may say this is very stupid, but my other "upset" is regarding our dog. Getting old her insurance coverage is becoming too expensive for me to pay currently, but she has increasingly large vet bills too (She weighs 160lbs). He absolutely ADORED her, but ignores my requests for help, and never asks about her. Complete switch off!!
I know that these things are minor compared to some of the shenanigans the MLC'er gets up to, and I guess it should make me realise he is by no means "normal" at the moment. But some times they can make a very good pretence!
Sitting back for awhile and getting these things out of my system does help, I can then get back on with my life. But sometimes it just becomes overwhelming!
