I am stuck on Step 3. Since my husband has been tuning me out and is set on selling everything, moving out and getting a divorce, at this point i am not sure he cares what I want and I cannot determine what he wants.
He has resolved that we are now living seprate lives, altho living together. he just doesnt want to fix us, we tried once before and it didnt work. (Although we didnt really try). We will not do anything together, go anywhere together. Only discuss common household/business issues.
I have been looking at myself and make myself the person that I should have been, remain positive, etc. This all seems so extreme and unnecessary. there wasnt anything really so wrong with us, that cant be worked on and fixed. I am so confused and scared.
Has anyone had any luck or ideas on how to turning this type of situation around? I really want a 2nd chance.
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Things are about the same. I spoke with him yesterday. He still insists that he is planning on moving out and getting a place by himself. he has researched divorce laws here in NC and found that we have to be separate for a year before getting divorced, but says we prob need to separate after selling the house. I cant see him moving out, with the amount of things he has in his shop, and all of the cars. It wouldnt be possible for him to just leave. And he knows that i will not leave. Dont really see that him suggesting that we delay separation is a positive.
He also said again that we have been like brother and sister. We dont have anything except material things. It wasnt always that way. Only after building this new house and all of the animals and his own busines - we put everything else before our relationship. I believe he thinks that you dont have to work on things, that we should just naturaly connect and stay connected without any effort. And because this is not natural, we are not meant for each other.
I also think that my behavior over the last 6 months, has been very embarrasing. I have had some resentment about not being connected, him working so much, not spending much time at all with me. I apologized for this. I have a feeling that this was the straw that broke him. That behavior was not me, I fell into a rut or something and wasnt seeing clearly. It was a result of everything that has been happening.
its hard to know what the problem is, as its hard to get anything out of him. He is still coming into the house between 8:30 10pm every night, then eating dinner and sitting at the counter with those stupid earphones on at night. I am still trying to be the person that i am, trying to stay positive, trying to recongize things he does for me..
I noticed today that he talked to me a little more and didnt have such a stone face. The talk was general, business stuff, but it seemed a little friendlier/different. Still came in the house at 8:30, ate dinner and put the bleeping headphones on. He hasnt left this house/work to do anything fun in over a month, maybe more. Just work work work. Seems like a miserable life to me.
Me 56/H 55 M 13 Bomb 3/14 Still living in the house - in our bedroom - diff beds.
Today I broke down and setup a few sessions with a marriage coach here. I setup some goals. Mostly just focusing on making sure that I listen, remain positive, drag that girl that I used to be out of the dungeon, be happy. I will no focus on our relationship now. Just me and will watch and Listen.
Today we seemed to talk a little more about household stuff, but it seemed that there was quite a bit more today and again he had no stone face. He came in the house a little earlier, but still stuck those bleeping headphones on. Oh well.
Beach trip coming up for a long weekend! Cant wait to get a break from this heartbreaking situation and have some fun with the kids and family.
Me 56/H 55 M 13 Bomb 3/14 Still living in the house - in our bedroom - diff beds.
So since i am going out of town with the family this weekend, went shopping and bought him some good food for the weekend, including some nice steaks and other food that he really likes. All he said was i shouldnt have bought so many. No thank you - nothing. He did come out to help me unload the car. I guess thats a good thing.
We talked about general stuff-like what we got in the mail. He eats dinner, and puts those headphones on until bedtime. When its bedtime, he gets up, and goes to bed as if i am not here. I guess that is what he wants.
Sorry Charlie,not giving up that easily.
One thing i wonder about-why is he still sleeping in the same bedroom as me? I think if it was me, I would move into another room. If he wants to move out, get separated, get divorced, live in a van, whatever...wouldnt he feel it necessary to move into another room? It just seems odd to me. I am glad he is, at least that is one part of us that isnt totally separated. Watch, when i come back from my long weekend, he will have all of his stuff moved out into the basement or something.
Me 56/H 55 M 13 Bomb 3/14 Still living in the house - in our bedroom - diff beds.
