The last offer a couple weeks ago was turned down. We went over umbels again and again and it still shows we were a few Thousand $'s more than we should have but it still didn't close the deal. Back to court April 29th. So stupid. Ore stress, more $'s wasted but what she wants makes no sense and I simply don't have it, nor could I stand giving her 10's of thousands that just is not warranted. More work to do.
M17 yrs. me49 xW47 d15 d11
BD1-Jul/11(Affair found out) Therapy 9 months (tried 2) BD2- May/12(sep) Court Jul/13 - I got 50/50 Sold home - Aug/13 Court #2 - Dec/13 Court#3 - Apr/14 ... She lost again We settled.
Sorry to hear that she did not accept the settlement. Good luck in court dude.
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
Well, round 3 of court was completed on Tuesday and an order and deal done. She had nothing to stand on. She left pretty PO'd. She got nothing she was seeking. The deal is fair and what should have been done 2 years ago. $120k later and more time, energy and resentment wasted. So stupid litigation. She bought her lawyers crap and it did not work out for her. she got selfish and greedy. Funny I don't feel I won anything...we all lost. It has been a loooooong haul that I would not wish on anyone. What a waste of money, stress and made our relationship worse. She has been slagging me since and things get back to me. Can't do anything about that I guess. Some loneliness ahead of me. Could use some company.
M17 yrs. me49 xW47 d15 d11
BD1-Jul/11(Affair found out) Therapy 9 months (tried 2) BD2- May/12(sep) Court Jul/13 - I got 50/50 Sold home - Aug/13 Court #2 - Dec/13 Court#3 - Apr/14 ... She lost again We settled.
For what it is worth consider yourself lucky. It could have been a lot worse.
Your free now and that is a good thing. Take some time for yourself and work through the feelings that will surface. Tgey may linger for a bit or keep surfacing for a bit. In time it will pass. My advice is to put as much space as possible between you and her. You may find as in my case, that your x may continue to hound you, bash you, complain about you, etc. Hard as it may be...ignore it. Imo, what it means is that your x has not let go. Only she can decide that for herself. Nothing you do or do not do will chanfe that for her.
Your goal is to heal. Take as much time as you can to heal and begin your new life. Focus on you and your dreams. Focus on being happy.
As for lonely, most will jump into an R as an attempt to feel better. In most cases it does not work. I'm sure you have heard of the rebound r. I suggest you steer clear of this. Find other things that satisfy your life. When you are really ready it will just happen. I think of it as the way the universe sets us up. If you ask ..."am I ready" - your not. You will not ask the question when you are ready. You'll just know.
If your ever in my neck of the woods..look me up.
Peace, Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
congrats on finishing court, eric has some good advice there for sure. if you have a local divorce group I highly recommend it, i went to one that was a 6 week seminar based on a book (met once a week for an hour and a half) and it helped me a lot. It recommends waiting to jump into a relationship too. Now the future is yours, time to set the past aside and focus on you and your kids. We're here for you take care
Me - 42 exH - 56 Married 10.5 years Together 17 bomb dropped 1/6/14 signed papers 2/4/14 H moved out 2/22/14 D final 4/4/14 Dropped the rope 5/17/14 2 cats, 2 dogs
Thanks everyone. Some great points. At times the whole thing and past 3 years still seems surreal. Ya, a couple more things have gotten back to me. She feels the need to lie about things and about me but I gotta shake it. I will not spend the rest of my life feeling I need to defend my self for things that are untrue. Saw her a lot today as we were both at D15's ball tournament. Probably more uncomfortable for our friends than us. It was the most easy i have felt in her presence in a couple years. We did not speak or make eye contact at all but very close proximity. The kids seemed uncomfortable and that is bothersome. She emails me for info on schedules, plans with kids etc etc but never replies to my simple inquiries. I try to be cordial. That's the way it is. How and why she is more bitter than I is anyone's guess. That I will never comprehend. As far as rebound relationships, ya, I agree. Like to go out and be in company but an R not ready for. I was involved with someone for several months a while back but just didn't feel right. Have dated a lot but stepped back from that in recent months. The destruction of a family seems so senseless and the fallout even more so. I am doing better overall and as time goes on it is better everyday. Sometimes just very sad.
M17 yrs. me49 xW47 d15 d11
BD1-Jul/11(Affair found out) Therapy 9 months (tried 2) BD2- May/12(sep) Court Jul/13 - I got 50/50 Sold home - Aug/13 Court #2 - Dec/13 Court#3 - Apr/14 ... She lost again We settled.
You may find as in my case, that your x may continue to hound you, bash you, complain about you, etc. Hard as it may be...ignore it.
Know what works best for that, FM? If it's not business related, let it go. Eric is spot on - she's the one with the problem - don't make it yours.
As for the responses to her emails - I suggest if it's legit business, that you respond cordially. You are responsible for your actions. So be responsible and hold yourself up to the standards you expect of yourself. Regardless of what she does.
In fact, expect that she'll sink lower and more vigorously say things about you as time goes on. Expect nothing more than for her to try to hurt you and say untrue things and to hound you for a long time.
Outside of business items, the more you ignore them the sooner she'll stop (if she does of course.) Each time you respond to her or her current bf regarding anything other than business, the clock starts over.
Over time, it becomes easier to deal with although it may remain annoying in some small way that you will have to deal with it. Many go through that - you're not alone.
And as Eric said, "it could have been worse." That's very true amigo.
Glad things are moving forward for you!
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
Moving forward...slowly. Painfully. Will probably be jaded for a long, long time. Not very attractive but can't help it. Hopefully there is a nice, honest person out there for me some day. I can only do my best to teach my children what is right. My d11 was bothered the other day. D15 told me she and her mom had a big fight but shut her door and didn't want to hear what it was about. I asked d11 if she was okay. She told me it bothers her when her mom sounds "phoney" and "cheesy". They love their mom so I can't say anything in response though I know what she means. Just sat lost for words and hugged her.
M17 yrs. me49 xW47 d15 d11
BD1-Jul/11(Affair found out) Therapy 9 months (tried 2) BD2- May/12(sep) Court Jul/13 - I got 50/50 Sold home - Aug/13 Court #2 - Dec/13 Court#3 - Apr/14 ... She lost again We settled.
take care