choosing door #2 - next part in my journey

[T-boned]

Thanks TL. I will not be getting home as soon as I thought - have to stay out of town until Friday so I won't see the book until Fri night. Will probably stay up real late reading. But I have to get up early Sat and drive college students to Stanford for a tour of their linear accelerator! Hanging out with a bunch of geeky Physics nerds!! What a way to spend a Sat! I figure, how many people get to see this thing?? Not many. Kind of looking forward to it as I am a bit of a nerd.

Thanks for the advice on the friends/family sitch. I've already lost some of 'our' friends to him - actually really disappointed in one particular couple as I think they are responsible for his hook-up with the divorcee. However, had it not been her, it would have been someone else. I just hope there is some way to loveingly convey to his mom, dad, and sisters that right now it's a double edge sword for me. I want to see them, but it makes me sad and I;ll want to talk about him. They will tell me things about him that will make me upset without realizing it because he never tells me any details about his life. It's always very vague if I get any info at all. Yet, I don't want to shut them out. Ugh, it's tricky.

Just got an email from the mediator for more things to fill out and send back - I was doing better until that came along. Yes, it is such a rollercoaster ride - I never liked many rollercoasters.

I know it must be so hard for you now that he has contacted you not to have that little bit of anticipation everytime the phone rings. I still do that just because we texted so much when I was out of town.

So the book covers anger issues? I know I have some of that right now. Gosh, I can't wait to read this thing and make some progress, or at least feel like I have a good source to turn to when my therapist isn;t available. Thank you so much for the lead on this! I also ordered two or three other books - don't have the titles but will get them for you and send along.

Sorry I got so long winded here - I try to practice breavity - not good at it. Ack!!
Take care my friend. ((()))

[T-boned]

Oh hey, how do you know when it's time to start a new thread? I don't seem to be able to post on my current one - no Reply buttons at the bottom. All that's down there is a "Notify" button. How do you start a new thread? I'm not good at this type of stuff. Barely able to get the first thread started. Took two trys!!

[cczamo]

TL72 I've been very busy with H moving out of house, and getting ready for my sister to move in so I've been away, but have been checking in on you. This week ex will be coming for his 2 dogs for weekend. But they are really our dogs, as I found them and arranged for them (long story but they were foster dogs that we ended up keeping). So i'm anticipating the sadness of letting them go. H plans to drop off after weekend to let all 4 dogs run around in yard daily while he works. I have large yard with doggie door/indoor access.
All that info is to set up for question, did your Ex ever seem to indicate he wanted to take any of your "fur babies?"
My S 29, says that he thinks H wont continue dropping off and picking up each day. He gives it 2 weeks before it gets too old for H to get tired of the rush hour traffic time shuttle.

[TL72*]

Tboned, to start a new thread you click on "new topic" on the top left of midlife crisis forum. pick a new name for it and copy your old thread in it. To do that, open your old thread and just copy and paste the address at the very top. That means highlight it, right click, select copy, then go to your new thread and right click and select paste. If you need some more help just ask.

[TL72*]

cczamo - awww that is heart breaking - so you have 4 dogs total and he's taking 2. That svcks!! Well i had 4 cats, now 3 because 1 passed last month. Originally I asked H to take 2 because it was too much for me to afford, 4 cats and 2 dogs is a lot of food/vet bills in addition to the mortgage that he left me with. Oh sorry there's my anger spouting out. Anyway, then I changed my mind because the animals are used to the house and they're a family and I didn't want to break them up. Taking the dogs was never something offered or asked. He moved to an apartment (he didn't tell me where he was moving, I found out way later on accident) so I don't think it was feasible, not to mention that he seemed to want zero responsibility for anything. He did say he wanted to come by and visit with them once in awhile which he did every 2 weeks while dropping off the health insurance check to me. Now that it is paid off he hasn't been back since, but that will only be 2 weeks on this Sunday. I can't make any assumptions, but I do think eventually he'll ask if he can come by and see them but who knows. I would not have given them up, and he didn't want anything but out so it just never came up. He left everything but his clothes and cd's basically. I hate that you're losing 2 of your babies, perhaps after awhile he will let them stay with you since you are all set up - on the other hand, my exH never offered to help pay for their care. So for me to pay $$ for heartgard and frontline plus and shots, well it gets expensive, plus I've been feeding them Blue for years and that's pricey food and then there is litter and cat food to buy, so if he takes 2 of your dogs at least you will have a little less to pay out. I realize it's not about the money but you love them like family and it's just another change you are forced into. My 2 have been a wonderful support for me.

[T-boned]

TL, thanks for the help with the new thread. I do it Friday or Sat night since I have no plans,nor do I want any. It has been a long week away from home. I'll catch up with you then. BTW, how are you doing this week?

Again, thanks!

[T-boned]

Hey TL, check out the post (excluding mine) for hope456 from the Active Topics drop down. Read what KGirl and 25yrsmlc posted today. Great stuff!!! Gotta go now....

[TL72*]

I read their posts - good stuff there! I do that thing where I imagine he's gone out of the country instead of dead. Helps me to go on and GAL. He used to travel and be gone all week anyway so it's not much different except that we used to cam every night and now we're at no contact - or dark/dim rather. He texted last night asking if I got his email. I didn't get the text for an hour and half because I never heard it come in. I looked at my email and nothing there so I responded no, nothing there. then he said "yahoo?" which is my OLD account. He forgot I had a new account, the old account name was something that referenced us getting married lol so of course I'm not going to use that account anymore since we're divorced. All our contact since January was with this new account and he never even noticed it I guess... whatever. I found his email and it was just asking for this insurance certificate so I took care of it and responded like he was a coworker. It's always just enough to sort of ruffle my feathers though, gets the mind going right before bed which is never good. I played around with it in my head awhile and then finally let it go and went to sleep. Respond and not react. I still can't believe it's only been 4 months since BD, feels like an eternity.

[courageouswife]

Hey TL! Just dropping in to say hello!!! As always you are doing so well! You are one strong lady! Take care!

[TL72*]

Thanks CW - Hope you're doing ok!
Saturday I was down in the dumps, I guess those days will happen. I cried about it and felt the grief and then let it go. Sunday I felt better. I had email contact with exH regarding his insurance cert, I finally got one from health insurance and sent it to him today and he thanked me. I didn't bother responding. Our wedding anniversary is this Friday. I plan on going out with girlfriends for a drink. I don't feel like staying home and pouting. It's just another day now. Another first though, I can't wait for all the firsts to be over. Next week it will be 3 months since he moved out. Feels like so much longer. Yesterday I went to a movie with a girlfriend from work. It was at a theater just down the street from where exH works and I had never been there (she picked it) but luckily there was no seeing him. It does feel good to just do stuff and feel like i'm GAL. I know in my heart that this is good for me, I'm finding myself, but it still has its moments where it is so painful. Just have to keep going, the sun will still rise tomorrow. I hope one day to wake up and feel like maybe love does exist. Right now it just feels like BS and that I never want to love again because of the hurt. Learning to love myself first.