This, That and The Other

[SemperFi00]

But I made tea and coffee.

There's enough room at this table for everyone.

love this ^^^ gotta try to keep a sense of humor right. ok - I'll respond here for now and see how that goes......

:-D You say that in jest, I know but if you're anything like me, there's a strong streak of how you really feel.

^^^^ was completely joking.

I think that years ago – when I was younger and just out of the Marine Corps (and a tad arrogant ). I had a tendency to be much more black and white and judgmental of others actions. Often never saying anything to them but certainly internally evaluating and would make comments to W about what I had observed, seen on TV, etc…

I have developed to a place where I think I generally have (or at least try really hard to) the attitude that people are trying to do the best that they can with what they have available to them (knowledge, resources, etc….). In other words, very few people wake up and start they day with an intent to be miserable or do poorly in whatever they do – even a WAS.

I do still have a low tolerance for situations where people deflect responsibility, try to take advantage of elderly or children and people who are not honest/loyal/committed to what they say they will do. Also have a high standard for myself and my family which I occasionally have to reign in.

In cases involving ^^^^ I suppose there is a chance that what I say or act would come across as judgmental – especially to those who know me well. Will have to think about that some more…

One of the interesting things about this whole experience is that the longer it goes (and the older my kids – and I – get) the less judgmental I think I am – and certainly the less I say about any of it to anyone, now including my W. In general, I believe that I am optimistic by nature, will help anyone with almost anything and tend to give folks multiple chances – to a point that often borders being taken advantage of…

I don’t think that this has always been the case, but in general I have been moving this direction over the past 15 years or so – maybe that’s what comes with age, children and maturity!!!!!!!

What has been interesting is that in some ways W and I seem to have switched places. Over the past couple of years she has become more judgmental, angry, quick to react emotionally, etc. Hmmm………

I have to shake my head and let go of judging others just about every day. But what I've learned is that I judge in others is most usually something I don't like in me. I can have the tendency to build myself up by tearing others down.

I don’t think that my tendency was ever to tear others down – if anything it was more of an evaluation of how I either would or had handled things differently / better. So not berating / belittling others but maybe the evaluating is just as damaging anyway. Agree on the point that many of the traits that bothered me the most relate to things I don’t like in me.

For me I think that quiet judging / evaluating also speaks to a certain level of insecurity. I often will not say much or provide an opinion on something unless I am relatively comfortable that I am accurate – if not I will just keep opinion to myself until I have more information and can be more knowledgeable.

SF, leave your interactions with you W to the side. How are your interactions/relationships with others? Do you have friends who you regularly do things with? (do you judge me for ending a sentence with a preposition? )

Certainly would never judge anything grammatical – have you seen some of my ramblings???

I have a couple of close friends that I do things with occasionally – not sure what constitutes regularly though. Some of the things include an annual ski day, play in a ff league together, couple of golf tournaments, grab a drink every now and then, watch football/baseball games together, have coached youth sports teams together, college madness, etc…..

Trying to work on increasing this though – I am an introvert and homebody by nature. Trying to even incorporate some of this into worklife by scheduling lunches with colleagues – w/o a specific purpose in mind other than conversation.

Also, think about your spoken and unspoken agreements with W about money. You've brought up the subject of money several times in your thread. It's important to you. How does that inform your Rs?

Coming back to ^^^^ but this post felt like it was getting long.