4th Down And Getting A Little Anxious

[ericmsant2]

Georgiabelle
Appologize for not responding sooner. I continue to watch many of you and you all continue to get excellent advice.
I did want to respond on a few points…

I feel weirdly at peace. I do get angry and sad sometimes.

As fustrating as this cycle may seem…it is needed in order for YOU to heal. I sense in your posts that you may be spending a fair amount of time…looking back on your M, your H and your role in all of this. Probably a little of “why didn’t I see this or why didn’t I change this”. IF this is indeed the case, I personally think it is good thing to do for a TIME. Be careful though, not to 1) spend too much time in the past and 2) rewrite YOUR M. You both played a role in this. Figuring out YOUR part is good for YOU. Trying to figure his part…is…imo, pointless. Keep looking inside, everything you ever wanted to know is in in there. So as I like to say…put on the pink hard hat, grab the flashlight and shovel..and starts-a-diggin..

I get angry that he just discarded 12 1/2 years.

“Discarded”….hmmm….probably describes how YOU feel. Totally understandable. However, have you factored in that HE is not okay in the head? So please, do not carry around the burden of being “discarded” as if something is wrong with you and you have the plague or something.

She thinks I'm too logical and rational with my thinking.

Based on what I read…I agree with the IC.

She also thought I should send h photos of the kids or share funny stories. I said, "no."

I agree with you on this. IMO, you should not act as if everythign is hunky dory. It is not. I am not suggesting that you bash H or drag the kids through the process. I just do not think that acting like some happy family is the way to go. IMO, it just confuses the kids. (and FTR, I did it – they now tell me that they would have preferred that I didn’t).

and will not be a doormat

Good for you. Just remember…you are only a doormat IF YOU think you are a doormat.

I'm working on why I think I have to own everything.

As I mentioned earlier….hard hat and shovel…keep digging the answers are really in there..You may not like the answer. Once you find it though…a lot of things begin to make sense.

New fence being installed around pool (which I need to open soon) and a trip to the lake this weekend.

Sweet. Psst…don’t tell Urworthy…or you’ll find her swimming in your pool one night. (that was a joke).

I'm not sure I am the best DBer, however, I'm trying to get better:)

I think this depends on your definition of a “Dber” as well as your definition of “success”. I’ll leave it to you if you care to respond to those two point.
IMO, you are doing very well Georgiabelle.
Peace,
Eric