[SemperFi00]

"May need a bit of help with this one since right now W seems to be only interested in discussing logistical items. Later Sunday evening I tried to ask her about the morning and she cut me off mid-sentence saying it is not a big deal. Tone very much indicated she did not want to talk about it further...."

Maybe the work for you here is figuring out what your 180 is and doing it? I've lived that scenario many times over the past 4 years. Body language & tone clearly do not match the words of "its not a big deal".

My initial 180 was to focus on letting her own her own reactions/feelings and not chasing her around bugging her all day about what was wrong and trying to fix it for her.

Used to be very guilty of taking on responsibility for her moods and trying to make sure that she never had anything bad going on in her life.

One of the things that she shared a couple of year ago when we were seeing someone together was that this made her feel put up on a pededstal and she couldn't handle that.

Still don't quite understand ^^^^ but have certainly learned that I cannot solve everything for her and am not completely responsible for her feelings and decisions. I was trying to do everything I could (over doing in many cases) to ensure that her life was perfect and this added pressure for her.

Just a suggestion to consider. Even if she's not willing to talk about it, maybe you can still say what you need to say. Even if its not a big deal to her, let her know it is a big deal to you and why (maybe because you care about her?). What if you just stated your view of how you look back on the morning and what you wish you'd done differently. Don't expect any response or support, but it may be a small way to show your trying to learn her and then follow it up with a changed behavior. Little items like this over and over. And don't assume it will be the same item over and over. Also, keep the wording on your own thoughts and behaviors and away from hers. This is your learning process.

It still may not work (and I can attest to that) but it may help you become more of who you want to be.

I like this suggestion ces. Thanks for the response.

When the time is right maybe starting with something like "... I know that you may not want to have a long discussion about it but I have realized that there is something that I could have done differently Sun morning and if the opportunity is there again I will handle it differently."

Then STFU, no expecations and leave it at that unless W pushes further.

Thoughts?