How do you do THIS part...

[ericmsant2]

This portion of DBing is proving to be difficult for me.

It is going to be...however it will not last forever.

It is very hard for me to debate or defend myself without being considered a "bully". That word is being thrown around by her, and all of her cronies, like it was my middle name. It's discouraging.

Why are you upset IF your ex calls you a bully?

What if I called you a bully?

Would you be upset at me?

If so, why?

Psst...these are loaded questions so think long and hard about the answer.

[MrCAS]

I don't snoop on Facebook. This was brought to my attention by an ex-family member. I haven't said a thing on Facebook,

Hope you don't get too upset when I call BS on this. You have a long pattern of snooping on FB looking for dirt.

...but I did have a few choice words for OM in person. I let it be known, that I will hold him accountable for his words on the internet.

Really? How did that work out for you? How are you going to hold him accountable? Seriously... I am genuinely interested in knowing.

If I was the OM and you said that to me, I would have said, "Oh gosh! I am sooooo scared!" This was an empty threat and it does make you look like a bully and a pretty silly one at that.

I made it pretty clear what I think about his character, and told him that he was no longer allowed to be on my property. If he chooses to come with STBXW to pick up daughter, he can wait near the curb with the other trash. DON'T walk down my driveway

This just leaves me shaking my head. I only hope you didn't sound as whacked as I am imaging. I am really surprised he didn't start laughing at you. I would have. These are empty words designed to be hurtful and they only come across as angry diatribe by a STBXH. All your little rant did was solidify in his mind why your W left you in the first place.

As far as irony goes, I fail to see anything ironic in the encounter at all.

SP, I keep hoping and wishing that you would get it but you have not progressed much from being the angry bitter man you have been for the last year. You have the same issues... the same roadblocks... the same walls built up...

If you want a new life YOU have to do it. It will not magically appear. This isn't fantasyland, brother! This is real life and, yeah, it is hard. Why do you continue to make it even harder?

My sitch lasted almost six years. It wasn't until the last year that I "got it". I didn't want to be the guy I was. I didn't want the life I had so I did something about it.

I am divorced now and I am happy in my life. It has not turned out anything like I had hoped for, wished for, or desired. So what? I am happy with me and the work that I did to get to where I am.

You have to change YOU. Quit worrying about all the other stuff. Take that energy and use it to work on you to be a great Dad and man.

[swoop]

This portion of DBing is proving to be difficult for me.

It is going to be...however it will not last forever.

It is very hard for me to debate or defend myself without being considered a "bully". That word is being thrown around by her, and all of her cronies, like it was my middle name. It's discouraging.

Why are you upset IF your ex calls you a bully?

What if I called you a bully?

Would you be upset at me?

If so, why?

Psst...these are loaded questions so think long and hard about the answer.

To answer your question, I wouldn't be the slightest bit upset if you called me a bully. However, if you went on a public social forum and started spreading the word to hundreds of other people, I would eventually be pretty irritated. With that said, I totally get what you're saying and you're right. I need to just shut it off and not even acknowledge that it is happening. Thanks, Eric

[swoop]

I don't snoop on Facebook. This was brought to my attention by an ex-family member. I haven't said a thing on Facebook,

Hope you don't get too upset when I call BS on this. You have a long pattern of snooping on FB looking for dirt.

You have every right to call BS on me. I have had a bit of a track record. However, I haven't been snooping for a very long time. This was all brought to my attention from 3rd parties. You will just have to take my word on that. I have learned my lesson about snooping and the pain it causes. Unfortunately, this was thrown in my lap

[

...but I did have a few choice words for OM in person. I let it be known, that I will hold him accountable for his words on the internet.

Really? How did that work out for you? How are you going to hold him accountable? Seriously... I am genuinely interested in knowing
If I was the OM and you said that to me, I would have said, "Oh gosh! I am sooooo scared!" This was an empty threat and it does make you look like a bully and a pretty silly one at that. .

If you were the OM CAS, I don't think you would be slandering my name or my family like a coward from behind a computer screen, and then coming to my home where you pretended to be nice. That's not the type of person you are, Cas. But... If you were the OM in this situation, you would have genuinely been scared. I don't think you would have called my bluff. He didn't, and I think I got my point across.

I made it pretty clear what I think about his character, and told him that he was no longer allowed to be on my property. If he chooses to come with STBXW to pick up daughter, he can wait near the curb with the other trash. DON'T walk down my driveway

This just leaves me shaking my head. I only hope you didn't sound as whacked as I am imaging. I am really surprised he didn't start laughing at you. I would have. These are empty words designed to be hurtful and they only come across as angry diatribe by a STBXH. All your little rant did was solidify in his mind why your W left you in the first place.

I don't believe I sounded whacked out. I said it calmly and clearly. I simply made him aware that I would not tolerate him talking trash behind my back, and then allow him to come to my home. I am not really clear why that sounds so ridiculous. Cas seriously, If I started a thread on here and began badmouthing you and your family, would I still be welcome at your home? Perhaps I seem like a Neanderthal, but if you would have done that to me, then laughed in my face and sarcastically said, "ohhh gosh I am so scared", you probably would have had your ass handed to you.

As far as irony goes, I fail to see anything ironic in the encounter at all.

SP, I keep hoping and wishing that you would get it but you have not progressed much from being the angry bitter man you have been for the last year. You have the same issues... the same roadblocks... the same walls built up...

If you want a new life YOU have to do it. It will not magically appear. This isn't fantasyland, brother! This is real life and, yeah, it is hard. Why do you continue to make it even harder?

My sitch lasted almost six years. It wasn't until the last year that I "got it". I didn't want to be the guy I was. I didn't want the life I had so I did something about it.

I am divorced now and I am happy in my life. It has not turned out anything like I had hoped for, wished for, or desired. So what? I am happy with me and the work that I did to get to where I am.

You have to change YOU. Quit worrying about all the other stuff. Take that energy and use it to work on you to be a great Dad and man.

You are absolutely right, Cas, and I honestly appreciate every bit of knowledge and advice you share with me. I am slowly getting there, and every day seems to get a little better for me, maybe not for my sitch, but for me as a person. I am trying my best, but as you know, I am far from perfect.

[MrCAS]

I honestly don't know what to say, SP... You just threatened to hand me my ass? LOL! Ooooh, aren't we the brave one sitting behind our keyboard... Gosh, dude... I'm scared. No. Really. I just locked all my doors. Deadbolts, too.

I hate to admit how terribly amused and yet so discouraged I am at this very moment.

Look, SP, there is no law against low class and bad manners. There is, however, against what you did. The irony of the situation is that you came back with threats instead of standing tall and letting it go. You may have thought you won but you didn't. You lost. All it did was validate their thoughts and feelings.

You are correct in that I would not have done any of that. Trust me on that point. I have had ample opportunity to trash my XW and the OM and chose not to. I choose to live my life with class, honor, and dignity. It has served me well.

There are some mentors I have here that have told that there are people that will get it, some that will after a fashion, and some that never will.

I am not expecting perfection, brother. You didn't get it then. You don't get it now. I have serious doubts whether you ever will.

Prove me wrong. I dare you.

I double dog dare you.

[swoop]

Really Cas? You took my OM scenario as a literal threat against you personally? I think you can un-deadbolt your door now.

Before you start visualizing me in a wife beater tank, holding this guy in a headlock and yelling, "O'doyles rule!", I want to restate what I did. I simply told OM that I thought he was a piece of trash for repeatedly slandering me and my family publicly, and he was not allowed at my house anymore. That wasn't even remotely illegal. It isn't a threat, and there are no laws against it. Trust me, I have held my tongue plenty of times and been the bigger man. However, when someone publicly trash talks my family and myself, over and over again and then shows up in my front yard, my boundaries will begin to be put in place. You call it classless and without honor or dignity. I guess I will have to accept that, because that aspect of me isn't going to change anytime soon.

[MrCAS]

Really Cas? You took my OM scenario as a literal threat against you personally? I think you can un-deadbolt your door now.

That was meant tongue in cheek... I think you knew that... LOL! I never locked the doors. I have little dog here... He would have chomped your ankles... Hahahahahahaha!

Before you start visualizing me in a wife beater tank, holding this guy in a headlock and yelling, "O'doyles rule!",

That was a good one! I laughed... Great visuals! I can see the station wagon launching itself...

I want to restate what I did. I simply told OM that I thought he was a piece of trash for repeatedly slandering me and my family publicly, and he was not allowed at my house anymore.

That isn't what you said. Personally, like I have stated before, I would have said nothing. What was the point? It isn't your property... a point you have brought up many times... so wasn't telling anyone to leave and stay away an empty statement?

You need to start digging deep. I know how hard it is. You will stay cemented in place until you do.

I triple dog dare you...

[swoop]

That isn't what you said. Personally, like I have stated before, I would have said nothing. What was the point?

I guess the only point was personal satisfaction of letting that dirtbag know that I was aware of what he was saying, and that it wouldn't go unchecked.

It isn't your property... a point you have brought up many times... so wasn't telling anyone to leave and stay away an empty statement?

I guess you could look at it that way, but I honestly feel there is plenty I could do to keep him away, if I chose to do so. It wasn't a completely empty statement.

You need to start digging deep. I know how hard it is. You will stay cemented in place until you do.

I triple dog dare you...

Dare accepted, and I know you're right. Trust me Cas. I know you're right. I just keep struggling with pride and ego, which I know isn't a good thing. You mentioned earlier that, "I didn't get it then, and I don't get it now". The truth of the matter is, I AM much better than I was previously at controlling my emotions and my temper. In the past, if I felt this pathetic loser was disrespecting me repeatedly, I would probably be sitting in jail right now...haha

[MrCAS]

Why did you feel the need to "set the record straight" with him?

What does it matter what he thinks?

What stops you from seeking counseling? Don't tell me money, either... I mowed grass to pay for mine.

[labug]

SP, I haven't posted to you for quite a long time, mostly because I kept hearing the same thing, you know whoever is posting to you is right, you're better, things aren't bad, you don't see that you need counseling, or can't afford it and then BAM!, you're right back where you started. It's a repetitive cycle and I know from my experience how hard it is to break that.

But it can be done.

I'm going to throw this out there for you to think about-I'm not so sure you're controlling your emotions. I think you're stuffing them and then something happens which creates the BAM! I mentioned above and you're right back to anger. For me being in control of my emotions means I recognize what I'm feeling, fear, anger, pain, hurt, why I'm feeling it and taking the time to figure out what I can do about it, if anything. Sometimes we just need time for the emotion to pass. When our head is clouded by emotion we rarely make good decisions.

You know I've followed your story from the beginning and I hope you come out of this with a better understanding of you.