I agree with that 100% FY. Since Dec. I have done nothing but give her as much space as possible. I have asked nothing from her nor said anything that could be construed as my not liking what she did. Smile and say "Glad you had fun" or "sounds great".

As for FIL, yes, I know he isn't the cause, he's just moving things along faster and having her do things she has said from B-day neither of us should do. I also do think you are right about the more I let my distaste for him show, the more she wants to "prove me wrong" but dang, I really don't want my kids around that man nor do they want to be! I was fine with giving her my support for visiting him but not him coming to my home or being around my kids! I bought into her being unhappy in her M for a long time. And, yes, I'm sure she is BUT I also know she is unhappy in more than her M. She is depressed, anxious, in pain and told me she has tried many things to make it stop and nothing worked. Maybe if she ends her marriage that will be the answer because, as she said "That's the biggest change I can think of". She has even told me she knows I was as good a husband and father as she could have wanted but she wasn't depressed before she got married so that may be the answer.

Money problems and being able to afford 2 homes also is weighing on me. That is something I am working hard on now and something I can make better. (Started a new business a few months before B-day with W's blessing, knowing it would take a couple years to start making the kind of money I need. Didn't have a clue B-day was coming!)but it still makes this a lot harder than it would be!

Yes, I now am thinking she does need to go or she will never stop thinking it was THE answer. Just how to do it with the least harm to all involved, especially the kids is the hard part. As for addressing the M issues, see above post. I have tried to change everything she said was a problem and have been successful but then she comes up with all new things. Got to a point where all she could say was wrong was she didn't like the way I chewed my food! Thanks, FY!