buz 28: finally feeling worthy... a new beginning

[makingmagic]

good morning.... Hi Job, not sure what tonights topic is. Regardless, I am anxious to go and get educated/filled up.

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Journalling:

I'm irritable. I can't seem to let go of his decline from Saturday night. Not sure if it was because of me or that he was really that tired.... or both.

Yesterday, during "coffee time", I accepted his social time for about 5 minutes, then took coffee and went outside to view our inventory. I didn't want to sit with him any longer, as it does hold me back... didn't want to linger. So, he decided to leave to go switch a vehicle, back in 5. He was gone for over an hour... it made me mad/worried. I tried calling him, he ignored my call. Apparently, he took a call from his uncle (a real estate agent) to get his opinions on the business venture and didn't want to be interrupted. We moved our vehicles around, together. Then said he was done for the day as he had things to do... and left. He had asked me to check on something and let him know. So, in the evening I texted him info... he ignored for 2 hours!! These were business issues... again, making me mad.

I asked him this morning, apparently he was just puttering around outside... but, that doesn't excuse the fact that he ignored me for 2hours, about business. He said that I do that to him. I do not.. not for 2h and not when business related.

I have let it go.

I am really bothered... getting annoyed by his "i dunno" position... How can he still not know?? He KNOWS, he's just dragging this out longer... cuz he can!

Been thinking about dating sites. If I chose to go on one, it would be a paid site. I would interview & go through a string of dates to see whats out there, but without an agenda. Just to view. Im not ready to date... but so lonely and want to care for someone again.

I am worth more than this CRAP !!