so sorry to find you here- BUT it'll help you alot to have the support and kindness of people here. it's been a life saver for me. just to feel understood in all this insanity. and it is a world of insanity and pain.
i know how the grief consumes you . i felt like i might spontaneously die any minute - or that a hole would open up in the earth and swallow me - for the first year or two. i never thought i'd make it thru so far -
i'm approaching third year- my h, it turns out- cheated a long long time- i never ever knew. i trusted completely- always- for about 36 years. he has not cleared out of my life totally- he still has ow -i still don't like it a bit- but i haven't left either. i do not pretend to know what i'll do "in the end" or he will either.
he is nicer than a few years ago- his criticism and temper and "hell" life is less when we're together.
i'm, not saying i'm "cured" or that my life is "fixed" or he's "cured" or anything else other than- good for you finding this place because it's been a sanity saver for me.
i ended up getting several mwd books- i like her philosophy and feel i can see that her advice applies to things. when i don't talk- i see it's better. when i don't "take the bait" - i could see it was better. I said my piece, didn't beg or plead or try to convince. it was a better result than when i'd try and have a relationship talk, etc. it is some good common sense stuff..
she is right on point with alot she says and observes. i'm not a perfect one at carrying everything out- my life is still quite a mess - my h i cannot imagine where this will end up- it's such a giant mountain of c rappola. s ome days i am overwhelmed by it all- most days i manage to keep busy and get on with my life, have some good friends who've held my hand- mostly it'll be you talking to your self- and keeping self "even" when possible.
but - this forum- lots of interesting stories, good advice, some bad advice, some patient, kind people that restore your faith in humanity- some bossy-boots. take what you need and what applies - it will help you a heck of alot, no kidding.
take what you can use and let them alllll help you. i can't even go back and read my posts in beginning- i was "bleeding"allover the place- i'm trying to forget that part of my past, i don't have a plan for future and i'm getting good at trying to stay in the moment. it's a better way to go about it.
all you have to do is stay alive today, try to sleep tonite and if you can find something good in this day- about your life (which you probably can) stop and notice it and try to enjoy it (hard i know) - but try.
someone told me early early on- view it like a car crash. (i can't remember it properly - but sometyhing like: first are you alive? staunch the bleeding, breath; then worry about getting up, figuring what's the damage, how to proceed, etc.
just wanted to say hey- and that you've done a good thing for self- getting yourself into this place. good luck- these guys are nuts, make no mistake- when mwd says it'll be the hardest thing you've ever done or endured in your life- she's not kidding.
i guess i do think , th o, that after soooo many good years, i can try and suck up a few bad and see at least - where it all ends up. i guess no one just gets to be happy their whole life- tho finding out your life might have been a giant sham isn't so nice either- so, here's me , takin my lumps in the form of some truly hell years- i think i've got a way to go- i'm tired as hell of this, it stinks and no one should have to endure it- but i'm still alive - i am "better" and my heart is less torn open and who knows, how it all will end??? not me- hope any of that made sense- i'm so bored by my own "story" - but wanted to say being here is best move you could be making at this time- hold on- we all can get thru this somehow -
