just reading a bit here and I wanted to tell you that in all probability- it'll be okay- the working thing. I haven't worked in 20 years either- i'm 63 (used to be legal secretary) - last year - for a week or two - i had a job in a trucking firm ( of all things) - just a connection thru a friend. it was nothing like i ever did or (really) could "do" quickly. very complicated old computer input of many paged forms- all numbers- someting you'd have to do all day for a week before you even began to know the ins and outs of it.
POINT IT- I LIKED IT ALOT! it made me remember how nice to get up and have a purpose that day. nice to get a paycheck. nice to put on makeup and dress up with a reason. fun to meet all the new people- each one had their own little quirky side- ya forget about offices full of people. it was very good to go & interact all day- the days sped by.
here's the thing- when they realized they didn't really need me in this particular job - which i did rite away and took them two weeks - i didn't even mind getting let go. it was the right decision- my age & self-worth i guess made it not personal. it was all positive- the goofy little two week sting. it MADE ME REMEMBER that work is okay, and i don't mind it really. i wasn't making much money- it just didn't matter.
it was some other place & way of looking at life & type of life- OUT OF THE HOUSE - and it was good. i realize it was only a short stint and after a few years work is work- but all things being considered. i kind of look forward to when i finally make a decision here- get off my dead butt & go out and get a real job and get on with it all.
just sayin. thought i'd just throw th is junk in- you can do it and will probably like it more than you think.
it's weird- interviews & resumes and so forth- it's a hard job market- but i have a sister waaaay more "out there" than me, almost as old, kids to support on her own- she does it. she gets jobs - she earns money- she makes her life happen with no help from no one- ta da.
in retrospect- i realize the magnitude of what my mom accomplished too- amazing that she had an "estate" to leave- she did it on her own , with no education, no help, no kidding.
it's heartening to think of what goes on around us - and we do n't really stop and SEE every day- the personal triumphs and success stories of people we know who truly do rise above incredible disabilities and obstacles and just go forward & do it.
i'm hoping when the time comes i do it too- i think i can- i think you can - good luck.
as far as your h - i know, sad isn't it? what jack@sses they are to destroy what we had that really was good - then be havin their ole fun new life (just like they somehow are more entitled to "it all" and happiness than the rest of us) it's a sad and shallow thing- i have no idea where their brains and consciences & decency went. oh well huh? they leave a wake of destruction and don't even realize. no empathy i think...
they are selfish and self-absorbed. i feel like i'm just some tv show he turns on now or then. he thinks i'm his "home" - tho he's not at home much. cripes - i'm still "doing this" but just- one of these years he'll have to pick ow or old life i guess - for the moment i am shilly-shallying around with not getting a fulltime job- and not "getting real" about life .(or something)
my mom passing away seems to signal something- idk what exactly in me. i'm just getting over this stupid giant cold and trying to get some feelings back inside me. i thought all the complaints and hard feelings and animosity died with her- wrong-o.
my sisters are a real hostile bunch- it just gets better all the time huh?
oh well- hang on man- i meant this to be encouraging - i hope it was- i think you'll actually feel good and like it when you're working. getting that job- it's a bit harder but honestly- i think doable for both of us.
my stinkin pollyanna little "hope" thig.. fingers crossed that i'm right. good luck - you'e doin great ya know.
