Funeral for a husband, love lies bleeding

[cczamo]

Happy Cinco de Mayo (probably belatedly by time this is posted)!

Journaling: I think of the Cinco de Mayo's I have spent with my ex over the last 15 years. that was always one of "our" holidays. Last Friday, May 2, H had his movers come get his furniture and now he's all out. I did get a chance to get hugs from his two daughters who'd come to help their dad. I got a bit emotional with one of them, and tried to hold it inside. Wasnt fooling anyone. I slept well that night (and the night before--no sleepless night-before-anticipation at all). Not much sad or glad emotion really.

I spent hours working out in the yard cleaning up dead leaves, trimming shrubs, cleaning out garage, and was so tired that I cancelled going out with friends to dinner/movie.
Sat I ran a "loop" around White Rock Lake, which is something I'd not done in over 15 years. Was proud of myself. Walked like a crab the next day, though.

Only when H contacts me about something do I then ask him about stuff (not R stuff, but how did this remote button work, or where is other phillips head screwdriver stuff). I just make a list and wait for him to contact me. At end of this week, H will get in touch about getting his two dogs (really my dogs, but they are his 2 favorite, and i cannot handle 4 Jack Russells easily).

I've been too exhausted over past week to really have much emotion.