Crimson.....good WILL come.

[sandi2]

WHAT? . Crimson! How does a person lose that much weight in a month? What are you thinking? Never mind. I KNOW what has been on your mind! Is she really worth this much? Is she worth killing your son's father? No, I didn't word it correctly, b/c she isn't the one doing this, is she?

You know, a person could get skittish about anything they say to you.....the way you can take a coulple of words and keeeeeep hanging on to them and analyzing and questioning. Seeing goodness in you......well let's see, maybe she was trying to help you feel better......which is one heck of a challenge, or maybe she was giving you one last ounce of hope, or maybe it was nothing any deeper than a person saying, "How are you today.". IDK, but listen to yourself. Are you trying to put yourself in the hospital? You used that example of your father and the effects it might have had on your life......what kind of effects do you think you worrying yourself into an early grave is going to effect your son? Do you want him being like this one day? How would you feel to see him doing the same you are doing now? If you ever had motivation to stop chasing your tail, that little boy should do it.

In the famous of words of Cher..........(slap) Snap out of it!

Look, if you have changed into the very best you know how to be.......what more is there? If you are as good as you can be.......and "if" she ever opens her immature, selfish, blind eyes..... and really observes you, she will either see the good in you or she won't. If a person chooses to not see the good in others, they usually won't. Since most of us are imperfect, it gives room for criticism.......especially to those who are looking to find fault.

Will it change you.......based on what she chooses to see? Will it change the truth about who you are? If she doesn't see good in you......does that determine you must not be good? That sure gives another person a lot of power over the truth about you, wouldn't you say? If she does see goodness in you.....maybe there is hope for HER yet. If she never sees beyond her own nose, then it is her sad loss. Either way, does it change the truth about you?

It all boils down to the fact you continue to give her opinion of you too much value. I understand that a lot more than you may realize. I have spent years of my life trying to live by other people's set standard for me, and trying to be accepted. It NEVER works. You can work yourself to death (literally) trying to be good enough and wanting to be accepted or noticed or recognized for your effects/accomplishments. You can fret and over think it until you have a nervous breakdown (and sounds as if you are headed that way)........but my point is that as long as you continue to want her approval......you will never be free. You will hold yourself prisoner in a jail you created. NOT HER, but you.