She left - 4

[gogofo]

After no contact on Saturday the W sent a text message Sunday morning asking how kids were etc. She said she was going grocery shopping and then to work on her paper. She wanted to get the kids later in the evening. Told her just to worry about her paper, the kids would be not worry.

Later in the day she was not getting as much accomplished as she thought and wanted me to keep kids overnight. I offered to bring her food at dinner time so she would get something to eat because I know her enough to know she would just work through and not eat anything and then her body would be revolting against her.

I picked her up and she had a quick dinner with the kids and I. She offered for me to put the kids down at her house and I agreed because it would be easier for all. If they were at my house she would have to wake up at least 90 minutes earlier to allow me to be at work on time.

Put the kids down and told her to work as hard and as long as she needed on her paper. I was now in spouse mode supporting her and acting “as if.” She appreciated the offer and the dinner.

She came home a little earlier that I expected, around 9:30, and we had a nice little chat while watching some Anthony Bourdain. We always bond over food. I was getting ready to leave and she just casually brought up some things about us.

She wanted to clarify if she was invited on the trip I had planned for Memorial Day weekend. I said of course she was, it was up to her. She wanted to come with us and seemed excited.

We talked about current living arrangements and the fact that she does not want to return to my house, ever. The house was built in the 70s and is on the cusp of letting it go or putting a large investment into some renovation and staying there for quite a number of years. She also wants the kids to go to the better schools which are in the district that her house is in. Two years ago we lived in the house she is in now for 4 months but it did not work out well, due to multiple factors. Most of those things have changed and I am not opposed to living there.

She set a timeline of not living together any time before August, which is more than fine with me. We need this time to work on us and not force us together too soon. I was surprised how freely and openly she shared that she has been thinking about us having a future together.

She said that there was never one big issue or event, it was multiple little things that piled up over time. She said she keeps wondering when things will go back to how they were and that scares her. I told her I understood her position of there not being one big event and also that we will need to work together with open communication to make sure we don’t revert. I said we have a lot of work to do with us and if we just let our excitement bring us back together and not do any of the work we will end up in the same position. She agreed and also made it explicit that she was also to blame for what happened in our R. She is taking ownership of her part in the problems we had, she is not placing all the blame on me.

So she is now thinking about our future together, asking if she is welcome to do things with me, and accepting that she was part of the issue in our R.

When I left I hugged her and she sat on my lap and we embraced and cuddled for about 5 minutes, which was very nice. I broke the embrace before she did and she held on for a while more.

Finally she said she sent me an email with a TED talk link while she was working on her paper. The message said that “Thought you would find this interesting. Something to talk about on our next date. ;)” The TED talk was entitled “The Secret to Desire in a Long-term Relationship” from Esther Perel. It was interesting and deals with trying to keep up intimacy and desire in a marriage while also maintaining companionship.

It feels like we are starting the piecing process as she has shown initiative and action towards the piecing process. Her nonchalant “if you try, I’ll try” must have been much more genuine than it came across. She has shown much more desire in two days than in 4 months.