living with WAW who hasn't walked yet (3)

[dingo]

I was in a somewhat similar situation to you Zew - at least early on. I think you need to decide when enough is enough.

Can you live in the same house with her and know that she's having an affair and truly be ok with it?
Are you REALLY moving on?
Is it healthy for you living in this kind of situation?
Is it healthy for your kids?

If I am not mistaken, you have asked your wife if she is having an affair before and she has denied it. So on some level, she knows that you know. I wonder if your failure to step up and do something about it doesn't cause her to lose respect for you as a man, or at the very least, think you are a fool to allow her to pull the wool over your eyes.

You are ok with the fact that she's had an affair and are willing to forgive her and try to work on things. Are you willing to allow her to continue to choose the affair over your marriage? I personally could not and it took me a long time to realize the difference. I wanted her to CHOOSE to be with me, to CHOOSE the marriage over the affair. I was not ok with letting her play, decide that the grass wasn't greener and then come back after she's had her fill. I think this type of situation will just lead to another bout of infidelity down the road.

I think you're allowing her to cake eat pretty blatantly and I don't think its doing you (personally) any good, nor is it doing your relationship any good. You hear over and over around here that the LBS holds all the power - once you are willing to really let go. I guess I kind of feel like you need to start putting some pressure on her - not by begging or rationalizing but by taking real steps to show her that you are willing to remove her from your life if she's not willing to play by the rules. In order to do this, you have to be willing to lose her - She needs to experience loss and in order for that to happen, you have to experience it as well.

I might consider confronting her, tell her what you know firmly and unemotionally - so its very clear to her that you do know. I would not produce any hard evidence that indicated you had violated her privacy. Take it from there, depending on her reaction. If she continues to deny then she truly has no respect for you.

Others might disagree but I don't think covering your head with a blanket serves the situation well at all anymore.