We had an incredible first few years of our relationship. One filled with passion and love, a shared vision for our future.
However, soon after we moved in together, and after we got married, we begun to get into a cycle of nagging from her about my cleaning the house and my withdrawing until eventually, I behaved like the WAS as I felt she was ignoring my requests to talk about the issues I perceived between us. We continued to live together. She tried her best to stay engaged and postive with me. This only made me more hostile and withdrawn
This lasted for a year and half. Towards the end of this period, she moved to another city for work. At first, I felt relieved to have the space. However, within a couple of months, I begun to wake up and really realize what I had put her through.
I expressed my remorse. At first, it was well received but within a couple of weeks, she became hostile and for the last year and half, has been the WAS. I did everything wrong including begging, pleading, showing her what progress I was making on myself. She asked for a separation in Sept. 2013 after I confronted her about an EA which she admitted.
We saw each other once before Christmas and then she came home for a couple of weeks over Christmas. Still very hostile and distant towards me and some of my friends.
We begun to stay in touch a bit more but she still seemed ambivalent about staying or ending our marriage. I visited her in February this year. Things seemed to be going well. I completely ignored the DB rules and jumped the gun beginning to talk as if we had reconciled and making plans to move to her city.
She left for a work trip for three weeks. During this time, she sent a couple of emails postponing planned phone chats. I became increasingly worried and when she got back, she was extremely hostile at my being there and told me to leave her alone. I asked her if she was having an affair which lead to an argument. She denying any affair and saying she had had enough of me. I replying that I did not trust her and that we should divorce as there was no hope for us if I did not trust her.
I left and we haven't communicated in over a month. My hot head cooled down, I am regretting approaching her about the affair and most of all, asking for the divorce.
Advice I have received from a close friend is not to call her at all. That she will contact me if she really wants to work on things.
I regret asking her for the divorce which I don't want. I don't see how she could forgive me or even want to talk to me after this and my past WAS behavior.
I am getting worried about the biological clock. Assuming it all works out between us, I want to have kids with her but we are getting to an age where that option may be pulled out for us. I am worried that reconciling to the point where we both feel we are really okay as a couple may take a few years. At which age, having kids becomes a lot more challening. Not impossible, but a real concern.
I am torn between staying to fight for her and this strong desire to move on, start again and start a family.
I feel I should reach out to apologize for the way I left things with her. At the same, worried that this act would push her away and justify her anger and resentment for more even more.
Family & friends are beginning to ask probing questions about our situation, what is happening, when we are planning to move to the same city, etc. I think they know we are separated but not asking us outright.
She has a big celebration in a couple of weeks for her work accomplishments. Her parents are going and assume I will be there. Neither of us have told them that we are separated and as it stands, that I may not be there with her.
Should I reach out or continue to focus on my self and stay dark?
--- M: 35, W: 34 Married: 4 years, no children Me as WAS, same house: 07/2011 She moved to another city for work: 08/2012 My apology: 12/2012 Her as WAS: 01/2013 Separation: 09/2013 Argument and my asking for divorce: 31/03/2014 No contact since: 31/03/2014
