afraid I have waited too long #3

[nit84]

Feeling a bit helpless at this point.

I have had a couple short talks with my W about her desire to work together to come to some sort agreement on things. When I attempt to work with her to save some L expenses it seems as though I hit brick wall. Even though in the next breathe she says we will do all together.

I suppose that things that I do to protect myself wont be seen as that by my W and it will seem as through I am being mean or untrusting.

I still want to have trust in my W but it gets difficult when she does some things that seem sneaky or unmoral. I told I understand that she needs to protect her rights but not at the cost of abusing mine. I guess that is what this is what it will become is a battle where even though you don't want resentment or hurt feelings there no avoiding it.


I need to know if anyone has any advice or thoughts on things I can do outside of the legal mumbo jumbo to make this deal somewhat bearable?

I am continuing my GAL and my 180's and they are met with "too little too late". Or "for awhile I thought weren't listening but actually you were listening and if you were listening why didn't you know I was miserable?".

I calmly said "I knew things weren't great between us but didn't think they were that bad because you never told me how bad things were for you. You may have told others but those others didn't tell me either. So if you say I knew you were upset and I still didn't change enough for you that wouldn't be a totally true statement but I understand how you would be upset and have a right to be but had we actually had a face to face, heart to heart talk about our unhappiness on both parts I feel things could be worked on just as I feel they can still be worked on right now."

I know that was a backslide but I said it because it was from the heart.

If a 180 is making me feel good but annoying the W should it be stopped? Or is that annoyance just part of being a WAW.

Since last Sunday when she handed me the papers I have continued to do all same things I have been doing because I want to.

When she gets upset do I calmly something like "what does it matter to you? You have expressed your decision to me and there is nothing I can do about so I will not let it affect the way I am living my life to the best of my abilities."

Just observing some of her actions still leads me to believe that although she has filed and is "done" WE haven't had our last R talk. I wont bring it up and I am not looking forward to it.

Has anyone had experience with once the WAS files all the sudden it becomes real and they wake up and not necessarily come running back but slowly maybe try to feel out the LBS to see if there still might be a chance?

If the WAW feels backed into a corner not by the LBS but others or just life in general and they file because of that do they sometimes regret that decision and soften somewhat?

Thoughts appreciated