I have gotten a lawyer and talked to several through this whole process. The problem is that there is no legal seperation and divorce is easy here. Basically I have been told, when you are ready for divorce come back. I did not know I lived in an area where to get married is harder than a divorce. The lawyer said keep track of what H spends and if we get divorced it will hurt him in the long run. It is easy to keep track bc it is all on credit cards. I have another appointment with a lawyer and am going to take help with me, as I have been quite sick with all this and think I need the extra brain power.
As far as moving money. I have done some to a safe account that he cannot touch. This is a community property state, so there is not much that I can do. I am wondering if you can call credit card companies and have your name removed from the card but keep your H on the same card?
What is a temporary order of support? H and I are still in the house. So if I do not want to file am I limited to what I can do? H will not move from home "I know my rights you cannot kick me out." I would rather he leave than I bc I want the kids. I also am an overprotective mom and kids have no idea dad wants to divorce mom. I want to protect the kids as long as I can. I feel like I am at a stand still. I don't want to file. For now, if we divorce it is his idea - that is not to say I won't change me mind and file. I almost feel like he is forcing me to file. I will see monster more if I file before he does.
I will have some help as far as another place to go soon. I would prefer to keep me and kids in our home, but not have him remove finances. I think H intends on filing and staying in home until everything is final.
So peeps. I still want to try to work things out with H. I am not 100% convinced that it is MLC. H seems to follow script, except if I watch what I say - I see no monster, also he is very attached to kids. We are dealing with undiagnosed and unmedicated bipolar too. If H feels that I abandoned him, going dark/dim I think would be wrong. I have been trying to be nice. But H will not come near me. It seems as if he is 100% detached from me. The only thing we do is family things now - bc it is very important that our kids remain happy. H is VERY into OW, and she is pretty much a bottom feeder. So what should I do? H wants nothing to do with me, no affection, no touching, no holding hands. If he gets upset I see monster - I probed too much this morning and he monstered. I have set a few boundaries, and have got him not to break 2 of them - big for me as I don't have strong personality. I have been throwing more truth darts. I have read the posts recommended on those that have been through similar scripts. I truly think if I did not have the kids, I would have gave up on this nonsense.
I wish I could afford DB coaching. My first goal is to hold his hand - I have gotten zero on that and it has been over 2 weeks. h is probably too detached for me to get this. We can stay in the same room and talk small talk - so I am not sure what to do for next goal as holding hands seems unachievable for now. UGH. I need help. Suggestions/comments/ideas?
The lawyer said keep track of what H spends and if we get divorced it will hurt him in the long run. It is easy to keep track bc it is all on credit cards. I have another appointment with a lawyer and am going to take help with me, as I have been quite sick with all this and think I need the extra brain power.