WT, I absolutely think you should have yourself checked out by a doc.
I am glad to read that you are understanding of why your w is skeptical of your changes as others will be, too.
Consistent actions over time is the only way for others to believe your changes are real.
You are in a process of self discovery. So, while it is important to live your life as the person you hope to be, the way you get there fully and completely is to continue to dig deep.
This cannot be as a way to save your marriage or the changes wont stick. It has to be because you realize that who you are now is not who you want to be.
So, you need to keep digging to figure out what brought you to the man you are.
What always triggered your anger? Why? What always stopped you from participating fully in your life?
Try to remember that you did some damage over the years to those who loved you. That hurt doesnt just go away.
