Sorry I have not been posting much. I am really struggling lately. I have such anger, which I am never mad. H still says ow is friend. He spent $6000 again this week for his situation. When he finally can divorce me, we probably won't have the $$$$. I was doing better at detaching but now I am back to square one.
I am tempted to break the secret of the affair at work. One conversation and it would be done. No one would know it is me. They are making a case to fire h anyhow. What stops me, is I feel like if I do something to bring it out, it won't benefit me. Knowing my luck it would push them closer. I still think of it often.
I still question if h is having mlc. In his 29s he completely changed for a girl he really liked. What if he is changing BC he knows what ow wants? H does have mlc behaviors, but that fits with ow lifestyle too. I guess time will tell. I don't think ow has staying power. She has a lot of skeletons in her closet that h is unaware of.
One of my friends asked me recently why I was with h, as they think he is a bottom feeder. This was a difficult question to answer. I love what he is not anymore. I don't know if I love the new person BC h won't let me near him. I am guessing I would love that person too, but ow would have to go away. I don't believe in divorce, h didn't either but I guess he changed his mind, as all I hear is I want a divorce when situation is over. Why would he wait to divorce me? We also have kids together and that sometimes is what keeps me here.
So lately what I have decided to is let myself come out. I am nice to h. Most times I let him start conversation. I tried dark or dim which is impossible in same house with small kids. H feels like I abandoned him, so I am not going to do that again. I am upping the gal with kiddos. I can't avoid phone calls BC twice I said don't call and authorities have been at my doorstep to make sure we are ok. Both times they asked if h was mentally stable. H went straight to paranoia. It is thought that he is undiagnosed bipolar, h quit ic before therapist could diagnose. H does not monster much BC I watch what I say and do. I figure the best option is to be nice and his friend eventually his ow will not be nice and start to nag. Any advice? Ideas?
