I think you are doing perfectly, daring! You have a plan and sound incredibly strong. I'm impressed!

I wouldn't get too worried about the possibility of D right now. Many spouses say that's what they want but never follow through. One day at a time, eye's on the big picture. But even if it does happen, it doesn't mean you guys can't recommit in the future.

Yes, you do need to let go of him for now. He needs to figure himself out. The good news is he realizes the issues are within him, instead of blaming it all on you or the M.

Have you talked about financials and kids yet? Make sure you protect yourself here.

M: A really long time.
Crisis: 5 years.
She's still worth it.

Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl