Upwards - Needing support, tough times ahead

[Upwards]

We pull our own plate out of the game and then see what they do. Sometimes they decide our plate is what they want and they come running, sometimes they live with their choice, and sometimes they simply bounce around for months or years until they figure it out.

Yes that makes sense now - he's still texting me & emailing me several times a day, even though I haven't replied once in the past 9 days. This plate has been removed!

He collected the kids this morning (his Mum isnt available on a Sunday) so I sent the kids to the door and stayed inside so I didn't have to see or speak to him - this morning as he was closing the door he shouted "see you later W" in a really sad voice.

The key here is that it's not about him....it's about you. It doesn't matter what or who he chooses....you are still going to be the same awesome person, moving forward, finding happiness, taking care of your children and yourself. So instead of worrying about "why," instead of worrying about his choices, make your own choice...and choose you.

I absolutely have done, I love him but I love myself so much more - Its amazed me the sense of freedom I feel since fully letting him go, I miss him at times & wonder if he's doing ok but I no longer have a constant sense of dread when I think about this situation.

I've been given the most precious gift, the gift of finding myself again and molding my life to suit my needs & wants without the overpowering influence of another person. I know my worth now, I know that I deserve to be treated with respect & dignity and I am not willing to accept anything less from anyone including my H.

The acceptance that my H may not be able to fulfil the requirements I now have for a R has been very difficult, probably the most difficult part of this process so far, I have been in denial for a long time due to my own fears but I've forced myself to face up to it & it seems that was the final piece of the "letting go" puzzle.

I cant stay completely NC long term due to the kids/business but plan to for another couple of weeks then move to LC & remain emotionally unavailable as I need that energy to focus on myself; I'm going to ask H to meet me and put some boundaries in place for our coparenting & business relationships to maintain my own protection and to ensure that he's clear on the way I expect that to work (no R talks, no personal talk, we are not friends etc).