Roller coaster and then some

[daring]

So I think he's really moving forward with this. He talked yesterday about filling out the financial forms and figuring out a schedule for the kids. Said it shouldn't take long since he filed for D back in Oct. I know I'm mind reading a little but it's like he needs to remove all pressure or option of us in order to work through his issues. ( though he did say he needs to take away all the expectations he is placing on himself to try and connect).

As you said FY there are still a lot of positives. He seems very concerned about me, wants to make sure I'll have people to talk to. He asked if we could go to lunch every couple of weeks and keep talking. Wants us to still go on our family vacation in June ( which I will go to- his sister is getting married and I've known her since she was 8 and am very close to all his family).

So here is where I am at- I still have hope but I am at the point where I am ready to let him go if that's what he needs to do. Last time he moved out it was barely different except where he slept at night. He was still over every day hanging with kids and having dinner, participating in activities on weekends as family , and we still ML.
This time if needs to be different. Not because I'm " punishing him" or that I'm doing it to try and get him back, but it needs to be different for me. I feel like he needs to give me his key and move all of his things out, I am going to take down some of the pictures of us and replace them with kids. I think I'm ok going out to lunch or dinner with him but I also plan to schedule activities with my friends and try to get to my boot camp more on weeks he has the kids. I have no interest in dating in the near future- I just plan on working on me.
We will be great coparents I know because it is important to both of us but the only joint activities will be when we are attending their tournaments or performances, and maybe large group BBQ/pool parties in the backyard.

I feel a little bit bad doing this b/c he will see it as me protecting myself but that's not where it comes from. Limbo has been incredibly hard but I have done as much work on myself and been as compassionate as I can with some human backsliding of course. ( he has said so as well- says I've been amazing and this is about him needing to work on himself and having to go through the divorce in order to do that).

I feel like I need to move forward as if he's not coming back. But I will also keep an open mind and a cracked door for the opportunity to come back home.

Does this sound terrible b/c I feel like he is going to think I'm trying to "erase" him from my life and I don't want him to feel abandoned.

Any input appreciated.....