Hi I subscribe to the view that at least some of our dreams are our subconscious trying to tell us things - you haven't been sleeping well recently, and there is likely a lot of stuff to deal with in your head.
Seems to me that you are acknowledging you still have feelings for your stbx, but that there is another life calling.
You correctly acknowledge that we do not dump our past - it is part of us, and that is why we talk about Karma. What goes around emotionally usually comes around. There is an emotional payback when those who hurt and abuse may be put in the position of dealing with the consequences of their actions. Not in our time, and by the time it happens we are usually sorry for them.
I am always sorry for Uriah Heep for example, odious as he was!!
So you know that there is work to be done to get there but if you take care of yourself and let others help you, you will go to the ball
Although I have grave doubts about the long term success of a marriage based on a shoe fetish!! LOL
