Crimson.....good WILL come.

[2ndTimeHurt]

"I picked S up from preschool yesterday after work (yay!). During the drive home I realized that not only does his presence calm me a bit by letting me focus on him - but also, I felt an unexpected surge of pity (not in a harmful way, mind you) for my ex. It his me that she CHOSE to walk away from her time with S that I have....to walk away from him. He is such a joy, such a gift, such a wonderful kid....and she make the choice to miss so much of his life when he was only 18 months old. For the life of me I don't think I could ever do that....make THAT choice unless something was MAJORLY wrong (drugs, violence, infidelity....whatever). The pity and sadness for her kicked in because she is missing out on a lot...and an amazing father/son relationship. And then it hit me....despite OM, despite being away from me - maybe she really ISN'T truly happy like I have been thinking."

We think alike. She even left me when our son was 18 months!! I pity and feel sorry for my ex as well. She says that our s3 is the love of her life, her joy etc. why is it that I spend the vast majority of his waking life with him and she doesn't?!? I also feel compassion which is an easier emotion to deal with. Knowing that my ex is sooo screwed up makes it easier to not take things so personal. If your ex is anything like mine, have compassion and it does make things a bit easier. I was on an anger bandwagon for a couple of days but it's peedering off. I know you're angry too, just use it for something productive. I wrote a very angry song, but the next day I changed the lyrics to something less angry. Point is, release that anger into something cool or productive. Weights? Poetry? Running? Art? Yard work?

Anyway, I'm no expert but thought I'd throw that out there. You have tons of great advice going on here and I appreciate and utilize what's being said.