choosing door #2 - next part in my journey

[cczamo]

TL
I second whytry's remark. You ARE way more put together than I could be considering how quickly everything changed almost overnight for you.
You are right that we will all eventually be okay from all of this.

Are you planning any GAL for this weekend yet? That's my goal is to be planning something by Thursday for the upcoming weekend.
Keep posting.
For some reason, I'm reminded of a sign off that a late DJ in our city used to say, "Keep looking up, 'cause that's where it all is."

[TL72*]

thanks cczamo
I do have a list of things to do, mostly yard items that need to be taken care of. Going out Saturday with my girlfriends to hear a band, and taking time for me to just relax, watch a movie, decompress. There is something freeing about wandering around in my pajamas, having coffee, only having my self to take care of, not worrying about "are lunches made" "is the ironing done" "is the laundry put away" I mean I still do those things but more on my timetable and feeling no real pressure. No more wondering about what mood exH will be in, and that in turn doesn't ruin my mood either. Yep, I like that quote - keep looking up... thanks for posting it!

[Matt165]

Way to keep on keeping on TL!
In a way it is easier when they are gone. I'm having to go thru my W's family drama (her grandmother has Alzheimer's and was just moved to a nursing home close to us. I also love this woman with all my heart, been part of her family for 20 years!)and I really feel for my W as she has tried to help her GM and the pain it causes her. Then she goes right back to being awful and acting like a prissy teenager, doing things like "claiming" some artwork my daughter made since she is going to leave soon it's no longer both of ours, just hers and smiling an evil smile like she knows it hurts to hear that!

That's one of the things I just don't get, the self satisfaction when they remind us that while we still love and support them, they don't give a damn about our feelings and it's like they get off on that!

The clock is ticking for my W's big move. She is waiting until school is out and that's getting close. Funny how she depends on me still for so much, says she's leaving so she can be in total control of every part of her life but refuses to take over things like bill paying, getting kids to friends, taking them to dances, events, etc. I give her as much space as possible, help support her with her family problems, pick up kids and get them feed so she can work late and STILL I'm the cause for all her pain and unhappiness!

Sorry, don't mean to take over your thread! Don't miss this weekends Game of Thrones! "Winter is coming!" :-)Looking forward to it myself!

[TL72*]

It's ok Matt - I know you're in pain. It IS easier when they're gone. For me anyway it was. Getting to that point though was the hardest thing I think I have ever gone through, the pain was excruciating. Now that he's gone, it has eased considerably for me. It takes work though, I read and read and read some more. Yep I was the cause of all his problems, I got that line. After learning a few hard lessons - and doing all the wrong things - I gave him what he wanted which was his freedom. It actually gave me freedom too. I still think about it most of the time but i'm in a much better place now emotionally. Working on myself. It's not about him anymore, it's about me. Figuring out what my baggage is and discarding it. as much as I can anyway. His MLC forced me to look at my own FOO issues and see how I have more work to do in the communication department. I hope he's doing work too but that's not my problem anymore. Can't fix him, he's on his own. You will continue to be the source of her pain and unhappiness until she is gone and then wow! she'll see it wasn't you at all. hang in there, focus on being a good dad and yourself and let her do what she wants to do, set your boundaries, we're all learning patience here for sure and I will not miss GOT... that's my favorite show.

[T-boned]

Hey TL, just wanted you to know I ordered the book Rebuilding When Your Relationship Ends and should have it in hand soon. Can't wait to read it. Thank you for telling me about it. Your divorce group was based on that, right?

BTW, you sound great. Way to go.

[TL72*]

Tboned! I'm so glad you ordered that book. Yes I just finished reading it the other day and had the last class a few days ago. I had so much progress by going through that group but I think just reading the book by itself will really help you too. It's almost like a roadmap to recovery from divorce. It's not about MLC but I've read so much about that and it doesn't help me to rebuild. This book is helping me rebuild and get healthy. I highlighted stuff in each chapter that really popped out at me and one suggestion was to re-read it again later and use a different color highlighter each time and you can see how things have new meaning to you as you have personal growth. Let me know when you are working through it and we can share our thoughts on it!

[courageouswife]

Hi TL! Thanks for checking in on me! I am sorry I haven't been around in awhile although I do peek in once in awhile! You are doing phenomenal!!!

I am like you enjoying the peace that has happened since H left. He is still a mess! He is not happy here, not happy there, not happy at work etc...just plain not happy! I am still seeing my IC and that is going well. Finally met my insurance deductible so that takes a load off my mind! Getting ready for S18's graduation!

Take care and enjoy your night out!

[TL72*]

There you are CW - I'm glad you're doing ok. So nice to hear from you! That's a good thing you're seeing IC and congrats on your sons graduation, that is fantastic! Don't be a stranger - it IS peaceful without them isn't it! stinks to go through this but i'd rather he do it elsewhere then monster on me that's for sure.
take care and have a good weekend!

[T-boned]

Hey TL! My book should be waiting for me at home once I get back from this work trip I'm on. Should be Wed night. Will definitely talk with you about it. I'm looking so forward to it. Even ordered the workbook in case I can find a class in our area.

Had a busy weekend working in the yard. Like you, I got pretty sore. Thank goodness for the little hot tub . . . And I had a fun Sat night having dinner with two good friends - we drank good wine, danced, and just enjoyed being around good people. Sunday I did more yard work, sanded and stained garage doors, reseeded my lawn - crazy energy all day. Then had to drive 4 hours to work where I will be until Wed. But right before I was getting ready to leave, H's parents showed up!
I was glad and sad to see them. They had come down for the weekend to see their son, which of course brought up some discussion but no details. Just that we all don't get it, and how I can come up and visit them anytime. How I'll always be part of the family. Just seeing them made me feel kind of like I was starting to backslide.

Does the book address how to deal with in-laws and family?

[TL72*]

Hey T, that's cool you got the workbook too. I used that also even though we really didn't use it too much in group. My group was 6 short weeks, normally it's 10 I think so we doubled up on chapters and ended up discussing things each week and not really the workbook - my suggestion is do the workbook anyway, I did and it did help me as does the "homework" in the book itself. There's a chapter on friendships in there which relates to how some of your friends/family will choose sides. My exH's parents are both deceased and he had not spoken to his F in probably 30 years anyway. He has 3 sisters, none of which have spoken to me but we were not that close anyway. At the time he had not told his family anything, I don't know if he ever told them he left me, probably has by now. He didn't tell his best friend that he divorced me either, i heard them on the phone the day he moved out and he pretended that nothing was going on. He probably told him by now but it was weird. Anyway I think there is a chapter in there that discusses it but only as it relates to divorce and rebuilding not MLC. These MLC's complicate things but the books really helped me to look at my role in all this and how I'm going to move forward and rebuild "as if" he's not coming back. It helps you make this about you and your life now, helps with the detachment that we so desperately need. I really hope it helps you too. I was/am doing pretty good, however with the texts last week now I think "maybe it's him" every time my freakin phone goes off. That's lame. I figured out it was just a "touch n go" and now I have to get back to not thinking it's him every time i hear a text come in. He wanted space, he's got it. Yeah I still have anger issues I'm working through Hope you have a great day!