Still trying to save my family - part 11

[melissag]

Scorp, glad to see that things are going a little better for you, and your W seems to be more willing to compromise WRT the kids.

Because my H and I have been working with a counselor whose expertise is in co-parenting, and whose job it is to help us do what is best for our kids, I wanted to comment on a couple of things.

First, do you think that the kids switching homes for ten days at a time is really best for them this summer? Ten days is a loooooong time to be away from either parent, especially at this age - and I know you will hate that I say this, but especially away from Mom. Not because she is more important but because (whether it was right or wrong for this to happen), the fact is that for quite a while now they have been with her most of the time.

I hope that you will consult with someone who can help you make sure you are doing what is best for your kids. Because I know you want what is best, but I think it's important for us as parents to recognize that we don't really know what we are doing when it comes to kids and D. (For example, H and I were told that the first parenting plan we came up with sucked and would be terrible for the kids.)

Second, I want to encourage you to let go of the 50/50 idea. The important part is not the amount of time you spend with the kids, but the quality of time. Are you doing all the normal Dad things - tucking them into bed, getting them ready for school, having meals with them, etc., AND doing fun things with them. They should be doing all those things with both parents. There are many ways to have a rich relationship with your kids without trying to stuff that goal into a 50/50 schedule. Maybe it will work to have a 50/50 schedule, but maybe not so much . . . so please just be open to other ways of splitting time, and keeping your focus on what is best for the kids.