I'll tell you, 2TH - be glad that she DID notice your changes and that the grass was not necessarily greener. At a bare minimum, that is representative of SOMETHING...if nothing for than the fact that it is in her to look at things objectively at times despite whatever else may be going on in her universe. When by X moved back in for awhile I got the same "I feel like we are falling back into old habits". At the time, I had changed a lot and I am not so sure she had really done her part of the load yet....we see what we fear. She feared that things were the same and that's what she saw. Maybe it was the same for your X too.
Funny thing is, I never was the jealous type. If X had a million male friends I wouldn't care. Things are just different with this OM because of the situation and well, my ego too. Not flattering, but true. I think your strategy of just putting them out of your mind may be a good one...I should try that.
I picked S up from preschool yesterday after work (yay!). During the drive home I realized that not only does his presence calm me a bit by letting me focus on him - but also, I felt an unexpected surge of pity (not in a harmful way, mind you) for my ex. It his me that she CHOSE to walk away from her time with S that I have....to walk away from him. He is such a joy, such a gift, such a wonderful kid....and she make the choice to miss so much of his life when he was only 18 months old. For the life of me I don't think I could ever do that....make THAT choice unless something was MAJORLY wrong (drugs, violence, infidelity....whatever). The pity and sadness for her kicked in because she is missing out on a lot...and an amazing father/son relationship. And then it hit me....despite OM, despite being away from me - maybe she really ISN'T truly happy like I have been thinking.
I mean, I know she loves our little boy as much as I do. That is undeniable - and no one that I have dated or spent time with has ever truly filled the void of son being gone or made me forget it completely. They have been great distractions - but they just don't erase the fact that I am away from my S. I can't help but think she is impacted in the same way. And, if she is like me, it never gets any easier.
I have been really happy with myself going dark. I have really, really stuck to it and it has nearly been a month....that has never happened before in this whole saga. Pretty major for me.
I am trying to balance that with Mother's Day next Sunday. Struggling with that one a bit. Don't get me wrong, I am not going to get her anything from me - but just need to figure out what, if anything, to get her from S. If I do NOTHING I think I would feel somewhat bad about myself and the message I am sending my S. If I do something small (card, piece of pottery from a make-it-yourself place) I think I allow him to honor his mother, but it is technically from me and sends the message that I am "OK" with everything....and I am not. Tough call.....and I don't even know if I trust my own heart anymore to make the decision.
