Roller coaster and then some

[daring]

Well- I guess the journey has just taken a hairpin turn.

He has decided he wants to finalize the divorce. he feels like he's been trying to work on himself and he just can't seem to move past certain things and open up. He has been looking at our past and how I have been since BD and he says he just can't get out of his own way. He said he hopes to one day find the same "super power" I have of being able to heal and move past tremendous hurts and still be open and vulnerable. Granted it was BD that forced that for me and so maybe he needs his own "come to Jesus" to make himself do the same.
He feels he needs to remove all expectations he places on me and himself and force himself to face his demons. He feels this is the only way he will do that.

It was a peaceful conversation, he held my hand and said he is sorry and that he will work on figuring it all out and he wants to rebuild a relationship with me but what that looks like he has no idea. He assumes I will protect myself emotionally but also knows we will need to be there for each other to get through all of this.

This is so freaking bizarre, I see the love and its like he loves so much he has to let go in order to heal himself. I feel like this is what he needs to do I am just trying so hard not to lose hope that there is still a chance.
And I hate to think how hard this will be on the kids to have dad leave again- though he is an amazing father and will remain very involved I know.

I will keep working on myself and since I have had since Sept to do so this BD is painful but I feel like I will be ok ( not like last time when I felt like i would die from the pain).

Any words of hope, similar experiences, or wisdom would be great. I will continue to be a lighthouse for him for as long as I can.