Dealing with an ongoing affair

[sandi2]

Sure, but when you haven't posted in a few days, I think maybe you've left. The more often you post, the more replies you'll likely receive.

You made reference to something Michele had said, but have you read all of Divorce Remedy?

You referred to your plan. What is it exactly?

IMO, a WAW in an A is worse than one that does not have her head messed up by another man. IMO, she is meaner, deceitful, shocking, more selfish and will cause more pain for her loved ones, than the WAW who is not in an A. And when I say affair, I don't mean just a physical. If the OM consumes her head, it is an A. There is no excuse for an A, but I understand why and how they can happen.

I see where your hopes soared b/c she was in a better mood after being with her friends and you had a good talk, hugged and kissed. Today, you don't know which end is up. I am sorry you are going through all of this.

I suggest you immediately step back and stop making any type of contact with her. Stop all pursuit (like taking her a coffee) and stop talking to about the R.

I know you thought it was right to assure her of your love for her, no interest in dating, etc, however, the WAW in an A should have concerns she is losing you. She should be concerned if she continues her A that she will lose you to a future other woman. She needs to know she doesn't get to have OM/A and nothing changes in her H and M.

Seeing you move forward as if you are planning your life without her, is actually a good thing. Her getting mad about it is great. Why? B/c it means there is still a part of her that wants to claim place in your life. But she can't have both men, and that's what she's trying to do. Many will try to keep their ties to family activities, but also hang on to A.

She will have to see her own reality, and the circumstances that come with breaking up a M & family. She will need to miss you, which comes from your absence in her life. You can't be rescue her from her problems (big or small) or try to protect her from whatever comes at her. The more you rescue, protect, and allow cake eating, she will have no incentive to end the A. And, your pain and agony will steadily increase.

I often tell LBH'S that his WAW who is having an A needs to act as if he is dumping her, instead of acting like a jilted H. That is just my own advice, based on the mindset of the WAW. By that, I am not telling you to be ugly or mean in any way. But stop assuring her you'll stick around waiting for her. Drop the rope and leave her alone. It will have more influence than anything you have done thus far.

She will begin to wake up and pursue you when she's ready to reconcile. But it is important that she works to get back into the M. Don't talk about any of this. Talk does not work on a WAW. Only action works.