I don't think that I am ready to file either. I have to be 100% ready or I will always regret the decision and it will stress me the rest of my life. The way I feel right now is H started us down this road and he can complete it if he wants it.
I think the change in me is that I am moving from grieving to the anger stage. This is a new emotion to me. I don't get angry or mad. It takes a he** lot to push my buttons. Obviously since I am in my 40s and cannot remember being angry like this before. People describe me as a very nice person - if H and he says that is what makes it so hard on him. UGH!!! Hard on him - are you kidding me! I think even though I am not used to being angry, that it is going to help me. I will finally be able to set up boundaries and speak for my self (not be a doormat.)
In the last two weeks I have done the most I have ever done in my life, and you know what? I really enjoyed it. I am a homebody by nature. But I loved doing things with my kids. I have always kept people at arms length, but have realized that now I have some very close friends and a good network of people. I have realized that this and the other forum I belont to are the only places I can talk about stupid H. I am so thankful for all you peeps!
I am having a hard time with the controlling of calling or texting. I said don't call or text one night. H kept calling and texting and I did not answer. Guess what? H sent authority figures to house to check on us. Then when I called him he said he was concerned about the girls not me! What a MAROON! H was so paranoid I could tell he was going to have a panick attack. But then he was playing poor vicitim to OW - my wife is so mean by not answering calls or texts. The other thing was when I saw him 5 hours later, he did not remember the situation. I don't know if he was lying or did not remember. H has been very spacely lately. So how do I get past this? Ideas?
So I am fed up with the controlling nature that he has lately. Never has there been so much concern about what I do (probably bc life was so simple before.) I want to GAL, but I don't want people on my doorstep asking if we are ok. If we would not have been home the door would have been busted in to check....UGH!!! It does not help if I say don't call or text we are unavailable. Do I have to put up with people at my doorstep, until he gets it?
I had a discussion the other day about one of our kids and he overruled me and said no. So I waited a few days to ponder it bc no was not the right answer. Today I told him the facts and this is what I am doing regardless of what he thinks. And guess what? He agreed. Hopefully he will remember the conversation.
H has some definant mental issues. H quit IC and is against it again (he was against it prior to MLC, so I have the double whammy...JOY!!) There is nothing I can do right now except protect everyone. But if it gets too bad and he does not get help, he will have to live elsewhere.
H is so deep with OW. On days they work together they are with each other about 16 hours (but still claiming we are just friends.) I get no calls or texts he is going to be late, so he could be dead as far as I know. I don't bother to call or text him. I just keep on doing what I am doing. The idiot is going to get himself fired over this.
H has noticed that I have a different attitude. He had the gall to say if I had been this way since he had known me he would not be wanting a divorce. Whatever, he has always been a controller. Which did not matter bc I am easy going and don't care. But not anymore. No one can treat me, my kids, my friends, and my family like this without hearing about it. My hope is that I keep this attitude and do not go back to doormat. I know I am strong bc I have put up with months of nonsense. I just need to show the strength on the outside too. H has no idea what is coming for him....LMAO.
So I know that I have not detached and am still concerned about what he is doing. But I am slightly better than a month ago and that is what is important.
Thanks all for helping me. You really mean a lot to me. Any suggestions, ideas, jokes, music you love anything is appreciated.
P.S. I hate the no email or cell phone numbers rule. At least on the other sight I use you can private message. have a great weekend!
