Biggus Dickus: Part 2

[LoisB]

old thread: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2449811&page=1

Goals:

1. Put God's Will First. Trust God. Focus on each day as it comes and Take Joy! from each day.
2. Take care of my health (mental and physical).
3. Give my kids the things and time they deserve.
4. Face Each Day's Tasks HONESTLY and Pro-actively. Keep up my ToDo list of things to tackle today and in the near future.
5. Enjoy the contentment with my life that comes from working on the first four goals: travel, fun, friends, family...TAKE JOY!

Specific Sub-Goals:
Have a reliable car I'm proud to drive by Christmas of 2014.
Earn at least $60,000 per year by December, 2015...or sooner.

[LoisB]

I'm really grateful to everyone who has been posting and help me recently. Thank you for the support and encourage and kick in the pants.

I think I've had a whole lotta crud hit the fan at once (pneumonia, preparing to file, a few new secrets about Smokey, D19 pneumonia, school year ending, tuition payments ending, summer coming/need for money, D19 college issues, D19 coming home, etc...) and it's just been maybe the thing I needed to truly face some scary things about myself. I'm choosing to see this is as exactly what God wants. He wants me to face some things head on and with help.

Smokey was my safety net and appears to have some gaping holes that I ignored for a decade or two. Ouch.

For awhile there, I was trying desperately to sew up the holes...Smokey just wouldn't sit still though! Now, I'm facing the net is broken beyond repair and I need to create my own net. Scary shid for a gal who never thought she could do it.

Past is Past.

[LoisB]

25

I think it came off that I'm dwelling in the past more than I really am. Honestly, I avoided my dad because this MLC stuff/addiction is just something he doesn't get. And, I felt shame at what my life had/has become. My dad lives in a world of fluff. And, that's ok for him.

I know my dad loves me. I think we have all had to distance ourselves from well-meaning, confused friends/family during parts of the crisis.

The good news: I know my dad loves me. I saw this at the beginning of the crisis in a big way. I saw my dad for himself, separate from his wife, and I could see he really cares about what happens to me and the kids.

Having to give him one bit of bad news after another was simply too much for me at the time. I'm stronger now and I can see God wants me to reconnect in a stronger way with my dad than maybe ever before. In the sense that I'm stronger.

As for my sister. She is nothing BUT LOVE. She is pure love and tends to see people in their very best light.

I know she has hurt so much for being have a country away while all this has taken place in my life. It has been horrific for her to stand by and watch the things Smokey did/does without being able to be right next to me, holding my hand.

Sometimes, it's just been too painful to talk to her because I couldn't handle her pain on top of my own.

When we were kids, my sister watched a child being bullied on the bus. She grabbed the bully and pounded his head into the seat until the bus driver had to stop the bus. That story perfectly describes my sis. She wants to pound Smokey's head into the seat. She wants me to stand up for myself to him and pound his head into the seat.

My sister is the bomb and I've been afraid to reconnect because??? Shame? Hurt that she is hurting?? Because my life is a freaking soap opera and I want it to end. IDK.

This whole thing has thrown everyone upside down. Smokey was a part of the family since I was 12. He was a trusted member, albeit mostly stoned member, but still trusted member of the family. No one saw this coming and we all have handled it in our own way.

My sister and I will be ok. We will be better than ok.

And, Bea, she sell Chanel...so, I get samples. She sent me some a month ago. That is her cake. Lol.

[TL72*]

great post - I really like your goals. I'm going to write mine out in my journal tonight - it does help to see them in black and white like this. I also agree with what you said about "this is exactly what God wants" I have been saying that to myself too, finding strength and putting it in His hands. He won't give us more than we can handle. You have really come a long way, you should be proud.

[LoisB]

GM

Thank you for your honesty. I appreciate it in a big way. I think the stuff that scares us is the very stuff God wants us to deal with.

I'm sorry if I baffled everyone with my analyzing this week. I just couldn't find the source of the overwhelming feelings and I was trying in my own, out-dated, not-working for me anymore way of whatever...

I do have friends. I can think of 5 friends off the cuff who would drop everything to help me in a pinch...and, they have. :-) They are good people and love me. I'm terrible at nurturing friendships. Two girlfriends are friends I consider besties. I see one at least every other day. The other I need to call.

It is, however, my M.O. to retreat and digest things when overwhelming feelings/situations hit me. I've done that a lot in life. Partly, it's just my way of coping. But, I know it can be frustrating. My best friends, though, get this and are somewhat the same way.

The paranoia and keeping people at a distance. These were things I need to face. I don't think I do it to the extent that maybe it's come across...but, it's still something I need to face. There's truth in some of this.

I've been lied to, alot over a very long period of time. And, Smokey has always given me these "surprises" where I found out things in a horrible way. Secrets were revealed in a very...well... I will pick this up later. Just say, it's made me very tired.

I have students coming. I need to pick this up later.

Thanks guys :-)

[LoisB]

Couldn't sleep again last night. Drifted off around 2 a.m. Hate this not sleeping thing. I'm so tired right now and still teaching.

[willbwell]

I've tried an OTC called "midnight". Does not make me groggy in the AM.
you need to be able to sleep!

[LoisB]

Thanks Will, I have some melatonin. I will try that one more time and, if it doesn't work, I will look for the Midnight.

Does anyone know anything about Tapping?? EFT?

I've decided it's going to change my life. Lol. Not sure what it is though.

[25yearsmlc]

Thanks Will, I have some melatonin. I will try that one more time and, if it doesn't work, I will look for the Midnight.\

Melatonin for sleep for women over 40, tends to require more than the "3 mg" that used to be "standard". Apparently someone figured this out b/c I now see bottles with 10mg tablets and they work much better. God, I don't think I ever saw any difference til I took the 10s and my hubby, the MD, takes 20mg on some nights.

Also, not all the over the counter sleep aids are the same, though they usually are simply drowsy making antihistamines. Nothing wrong with that but you save money by buying "allergy" pills with the identical ingredients, IF that's what you use...

Does anyone know anything about Tapping?? EFT?

I've decided it's going to change my life. Lol. Not sure what it is though.

Okayyyyy

[TL72*]

I've heard of it (tapping) you tap on certain pressure points I believe and it can help with different things, headaches for instance. Did you find a book on it? Someone I know had a program and was using it for weight loss I think, it was on 12 cd's but this was back maybe 12 years ago, I'm sure they have updated material on it now, maybe even some free on the internet.