Thank you as always for the kind words. They help quite a bit. Well I had another IC session today and was sharing with my IC some of the things I had been reading about and she actually told me that she would find it very hard to believe that I have BPD. That made me feel good to hear and we talked about maybe going through some of the criteria next session to explore the possibility but given what she had seen and heard it was fairly unlikely in her opinion.
I am still walking through the modules of the DBT program. There is quite a bit of free materials for it online and I highly recommend it to anyone who wants better control over themselves. It is very founded in the Buddhist principals and I find it very enjoyable and relaxing to practice. There are 4 modules total and each module has a number of skills to practice. For those interested here are two of the best sites I have found for additional information, videos and the like:
As far as the W and my sitch, not a whole lot is new but we did have our first email chain in about a week or so as my wife was able to get an offer on that job I was helping with and it looks like the salary is going to be quite a significant pay increase. She sent me a text message which prompted me to send a quick email. I will not go into great detail but the conversation highlights are as follows:
Me: I am not looking for any kind of response but I just wanted to tell you that I am really happy about your potential raise more so than I wrote in my last email to you. You really deserve it and I am glad that they (the people at your work) may actually see that for a change. xxK is huge and it made me really feel happy inside.
Me: The only other thing I have is this: Please don't give up on me quite yet. I am getting there and I will not stop until I get there and for once I can truly say that I am looking forward to the future. I still have a few more dues to pay but the good news is it looks like you are paid in full
W: Did you happen to get my text this morning? Thank you for the email, and I don’t mind you reaching out. Believe it or not, I miss you too and although I’m still working through things on my end, I haven’t given up. You may write as you would like and perhaps lunch sometime next week, if you feel up to it, would be nice.
W: I know I don’t have to write back, but I wanted to as well. Thank you for the help and feedback, and I hope things are going well for you.
Me: Lunch next week would be great if you have the time. I would really enjoy seeing you.
Me: I have many things I want to tell you but I just don't know when the right time is. I have many things to truly apologize and repent for but I just don't want to push you farther away. The books I read help a lot to show me the error of my ways and help me fix the core issues I have found I possess but there is nothing in there about when you can reach out to your spouse without pushing her away in the process. I am guessing this is still too early so I will not get into now as I want it to be in person when it happens anyway but I still feel that a true apology is well over due from me to you as well as from me to your Mother and Jerry and your Aunt Dee.
W: Thank you for your words and I appreciate the growth. I hope you have a good weekend.
As usual it was not my best but not horrible and once again my wife seemed to be somewhat happy with me. It was good to hear her say she actually missed me and it is nice to have another lunch on the horizon. Small steps right
So I consolidated our list in its current form and for number 6 I would add:
1) Weight loss 2) Improved relationship(s) with our child(ren) 3) Finding things that make ME happy. 4) Gaining a deeper understanding of who I am. 5) Learning patience. 6) Discovering how to enjoy the small things
Me: 32 W: 30 M: 11 years T: 12 years Kids: D5 W Left: 03/25/2014
It ain't about how hard you're hit, it is about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward.
