I think it came off that I'm dwelling in the past more than I really am. Honestly, I avoided my dad because this MLC stuff/addiction is just something he doesn't get. And, I felt shame at what my life had/has become. My dad lives in a world of fluff. And, that's ok for him.
I know my dad loves me. I think we have all had to distance ourselves from well-meaning, confused friends/family during parts of the crisis.
The good news: I know my dad loves me. I saw this at the beginning of the crisis in a big way. I saw my dad for himself, separate from his wife, and I could see he really cares about what happens to me and the kids.
Having to give him one bit of bad news after another was simply too much for me at the time. I'm stronger now and I can see God wants me to reconnect in a stronger way with my dad than maybe ever before. In the sense that I'm stronger.
As for my sister. She is nothing BUT LOVE. She is pure love and tends to see people in their very best light.
I know she has hurt so much for being have a country away while all this has taken place in my life. It has been horrific for her to stand by and watch the things Smokey did/does without being able to be right next to me, holding my hand.
Sometimes, it's just been too painful to talk to her because I couldn't handle her pain on top of my own.
When we were kids, my sister watched a child being bullied on the bus. She grabbed the bully and pounded his head into the seat until the bus driver had to stop the bus. That story perfectly describes my sis. She wants to pound Smokey's head into the seat. She wants me to stand up for myself to him and pound his head into the seat.
My sister is the bomb and I've been afraid to reconnect because??? Shame? Hurt that she is hurting?? Because my life is a freaking soap opera and I want it to end. IDK.
This whole thing has thrown everyone upside down. Smokey was a part of the family since I was 12. He was a trusted member, albeit mostly stoned member, but still trusted member of the family. No one saw this coming and we all have handled it in our own way.
My sister and I will be ok. We will be better than ok.
And, Bea, she sell Chanel...so, I get samples. She sent me some a month ago. That is her cake. Lol.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
