A few weeks ago I was really getting close to a place where I knew in my heart that what he said/did to me did not affect me or change my path. I lost focus but am confident I can get that back.

What I never got good at was watching him disappoint s while still claiming he was the better parent.

This morning we were getting ready for the field trip that h committed to but backed out of. Friday is the 1 morning h gets s ready. Today he was completely focused on himself. He took a shower and kept going outside to be on his phone while I got s ready, packed his field trip bag and packed his bag for a weekend trip to his grandparents. I asked h to pack his lunch and he looked at me like I had asked him to move a mountain. All the while s is asking if his dad going on trip. (I walked out with dog and heard him on phone with ow so I know why he backed out)

I am seething inside but not trying to show anything. Is this one of those fake it till you make it scenarios. Can you every get to a point where you can hear h talk about what a great parent he is while you know the truth and truth and not be affected by it.
How do I watch him put ow and his selfish needs above his child and not be filled with anger. How can he truly think he is the better parent and should have full custody. (He throws that threat out from time to time)

Me 44 H 42
M 10 T 12 (at time of BD)
Ss 20 16
S11 (special needs)

BD 9/13 H "unhappy for years" moves to seperate bedroom
10/13 EA/PA confirmed but denied
S and I move out 3/15