Don't know what to think

[T-boned]

Feeling a little better today. After realizing I have been grieving so much for the man I married and not the man I saw the other day has made the last couple of days a little easier to get through. I'd like to think that by my waving him off for a hug and walking away the other day made a statement to him about how much he has hurt me and that I don't see him as being someone I want to be friends with and don't even like right now.

Feels like I have finally dropped the rope, and it feels sort of good.

I just see him running further and further away but with all of his baggage trailing behind him, like cans tied to the bumper of a car. He just won't stop, turn around and address them. Something he'll pay for in future relationships. Oh well...

I need to work on my issues, get myself healthy. I worry that this whole year of emotional distress could possibly trigger the cancer to make a come-back somewhere else. So I need to emotionally get myself in a much better place. I don't ever want to go through that again, especially alone.