Honestly, i felt pressured and obligated.... this is what I do.
I was challenged & felt that if I didnt follow through then someone would insist that there was a problem.
Yes, I have the power to ignore some comments, but when I chose to do that I feel reprimanded & told that I am not listening & doing as I am told. Circular. Easier to just appease and get it over with.
Yes... I would like to exercise my power to determine what advice is worth it and whats not... but, I get such comments, etc... and scolded, it feels.
If you have noticed, I have lost ALOT of followers because I chose to take my own path here, inspite the advice I have been given..... funny thing is that I am taking the advice and putting my own spin on it. I would have thought it would have been recognized as strength... but, others prefer to see it as more "not listening".
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I have started a photo project to keep my interests elsewhere.
I am having a bad day.... I am wallowing in my situation, scared to be independent and to care about ME and my thoughts/feelings first. I see that I am retracting a bit, viewing HIM as the only man on earth and I feel the need to pretzel myself to please him. <<<< I don't want to do that.
Luckily I have a conference call with the women from my transforming weekend away.... hopefully I will gain some strength back.
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
