I am thinking about how to respond. I am pleased that she has allowed me to see D2 more. I am very sad about the rationale for refusing the weekday evening. I think particularly her interpretation of the recent meeting and phone call & comment that I've not changed.
Our interpretations are very different about the meeting and phone call. The subjects (meeting: her opinion of my parenting based on one interaction, which was with other adults who had no problem; phone call: which was after I sent an email asking for more time with Winifred - she was very charged and I was at work open plan and kept calm. My colleagues who 'overheard' even complemented me for keeping calm and collected). I think that the context (our separation; history of my verbal abuse)and topics (opinions of parenting; custody arrangements)are tough for anyone, and "upsetting". I was upset following them too. I don't think upsetting equals abuse. I'd like not to upset her, but I have to balance that with being able to be honest and disagree respectfully. This is a challenge we've always had.
I would like to suggest we have a professional third person involved if we have conversations about difficult things as I want to be able to disagree and be assertive without either of us feeling so bad. I think that requires trust and I think that needs to be built - with guidance, patience and compassion.
My goal is to not raise D2 via emails & be a bigger part of her life, and to have a better relationship with W - who I really do care about. I'm not saying her feelings about these last two in person aren't valid - but they don't seem reasonable at all. Comparing how I was in the cafe to how I was before she left is harsh. I just disagreed politely. I have come a long way since we left and feel much better. I do think she needs to decide to stop being a victim for her sake and D2 and learn how to communicate. Asserting "years of mistreatment" isn't balanced and it's very negative.
I want to respond to her about the potential benefits of seeking help with our communication through a counsellor and that I'd be open to her bringing her father along too. I will accept if she's still not ready for this yet, but I do want to communicate that there is a way forward.
