Just remembering bits from some of our recent conversations and my initial thoughts are he is confused and scared. He needs time. Just let things be. And live your life busting.
Then I start over thinking and my thoughts are more dreary - like I am a fool. I am being used. I am not valued.
And then I think it's probably all of the above. Right now- he does not value me and he may never again (outside the context of being the mother of his children).
It makes me feel less of a woman in a way...it's hard to explain. Like I am floating on my own. Ugh...am I having a pity party or what. Gotta get my groove back. What happened?
Does it seem odd that you would have days like this? I totally get what you're feeling and saying. It makes perfect sense to me.
To me, it's part of the stress and strain of standing. Looking back, I do not for one second regret the turmoil and tribulations associated with standing. Not one bit.
Part of my needs were to keep standing. My needs were to try. I realized how confused and conflicted she was (is). She had few secrets, although she thought she did. That didn't make it easier, except for dealing with what was revealed.
It's tiring.
Do your needs count? Absolutely.
For me, it helped to give myself permission to have and pursue those wants and needs in the confines of the goal of standing. i.e. I refused to date, have an affair, etc. But I also didn't put my life on hold any longer than I felt necessary while I continued to stand.
Hang in there. You know he's confused and dazed. That's not in question, right?
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
