I journal,oh do I journal..and I do not see him so much.. maybe once every 3 or 4 weeks.so not many chances to interact tnough he does call so etimes duri g the week When he is here he seems to work at not having fun... it is a chore to be here. He won't walk with me, we used to walk all the time.. I wonder if being so clingy and needy and controlling in the beginning made things worse. I wonder so many things.. I am a fixer.. if you are sad I try to make you better even if you might just want to be sad..I am not mean..I am a perfectionist but have kept that under control. I thought my H could do no wrong.. really... smart, moral, sensitive, kind, thoughtful..actually I still do..hard to accept he is doing what he is doing.. I was such a fan..sickening..I think what he liked was that I just about worshipped him,I never questioned.. he was always right. One comment last year I made about his choice of new job really upset him..prbably the only criticism I made of him in 14 years... truly I loved him totally. I have not validated though.. tried to fix..not validate. I run with local verein...best thing I ever did.German has improved fitness has improved.. Gratitude journal sounds like it is something I could do..and as my tulips bloomed this year I thought of your secret ones.. made me smile.. Seeing H Saturday.. had to really beg for help with negotiating for a kitchen.. you know how German places never have kitchens and I don't know anyone else.and to say 2 days before he doesn't feel like it..so I get a few hours..scraps.. just scraps Thanks for the positive thoughts Luke.. What was that movie about ?is it a clasic? Loua
