I was here a while ago. He filed last October. We attended Retrouvaille, but I don't think he was ready. He told them he knew everything they were telling us, and that I was the one who didn't see what I was doing. We reconciled, and he called off the divorce.
He refused to go to the post sessions. I needed them/wanted them in order to express myself better, but you cannot go alone. We slipped back into old ways. His selfishness brought out anger I had not seen in a long long time.
He filed again last Tuesday after promising me we wouldn't go through attorneys. Well, he did. I don't even know if the shock has worn off. The last month has been rough, but hell...the last ten months for me taking care of an infant have been rough. He loves her and plays with her, and does great with her...but doesn't want to do the mundane. I clean the house, bathe and put the baby to bed. Work two jobs (one part time reservist, another full time job with an hour commute each way.)
He has some issues he needs to work through. He is a junkie who cannot see that what he is doing isn't going to work...in this relationship or another.
I'm honestly so hurt, I'm not even sure I want to continue the marriage. I have a friend who is a family law guy representing me for free. H has no money, nowhere to go to move. His attorney put a restraining order on the removal or sale of any marital property, so he cannot even move out to go anywhere. The house is a big area of contention. I cannot afford to stay here, but he wants me to just give it to him - not happening.
We just hired the neighbor to watch the baby full time because she was doing so poorly and getting sick constantly in daycare.
He keeps telling me he knew I wanted this too (I don't...I desperately just wanted a happy marriage) and that he knew it was the best thing. That said, he admits he didn't think anything else through, he just "knew" he needed to file.
I should be served papers today at 5 per the process server. He will be at the house as well. I have friends coming over tonight to hang out and make dinner for me. He will be there. I told everyone they have to be on their best behavior, but I need the company.
I go back and forth between hurt, anger and just wanting to hug him and hold him. My friends and family are, of course, furious and telling me all the normal things..."you are better off without him. You deserve better, etc" but that doesn't make it easier. I KNOW I deserve better than to be verbally abused when things don't go his way. I know I deserve not to get the silent treatment when things don't go his way. I know I don't deserve to have sex withheld as punishment. I know all these things, and yet it still hurts to the depths of my soul. It hurts even worse when he lashes out and tells me it's worth only seeing his daughter every other weekend to not be married to me any longer.
<sigh.> It would be easier if he weren't in the house. Seeing him every day makes me want to cry - something I haven't done yet. I keep telling myself I cannot cry. I need to stay strong for my baby girl.
I'm not pursuing. I need to stop calling him for things, but it mainly deals with care for the baby. I guess I can consolidate, not talk to him all day and just tell him at the house.
Time to get back to 180's, controlling anger and emotions and counseling for myself. He's told me he doesn't want me going out to meet new people (read: guys) and that's entirely unfair. Right now, I don't even have the energy to do it.
Me- 29 H - 36 T - 5y M - 2y D - 11 months BD#1 June 2013 BD#2 H files 10/28/13 Retrouvaille Nov 13 BD #3 H Files 2nd time 4/22/14 Fires L 7 days later. No court dates set Supposedly he's moving out?
