What are you GAL now? Not that you "plan" on doing "later", but what have you actually started?
Assuming that the answer is "not a lot yet", then I'd just urge you to make things happen in your life. It's a lesson we learn a bit late I guess but it really is a life lesson for US.
WE are in charge of our lives and our own happiness.
IF you come to truly believe that^^ last sentence, truly, it changes you...
From what your w can see, I think, you're in better shape (what does a "stone" weigh, btw? You mentioned losing "two stones" and I chuckled b/c I have no idea what that amounts to).
Since she has outright told you she does not "fancy" you, which I think means she's not feeling the chemistry but she "loves you as a person", it means you need to re-create that in the r.
But first let me ask you, do you think you guys once had good chemistry, or has the R always been medium temperature? I note you lived together a long time before marrying, and it was after your d was born.
I'm American and I know the UK is somewhat different, but my immediate question when I read that, was "What took you so long?" And inwardly I felt that your m was probably "okay" b/c it did not sound very enriched.
You've both left each other before, if I recall right. The question I truly mean is, were you ever both IN LOVE with each other, as far as you know?
Did you say she only told you she loved you, well after the marriage or living together?
Okay this matters b/c if you once had the "real deal", it is much easier to recall what worked and what didn't.
If you never "really had IT" as a couple, then you need to make new paths b/c there are no old ones to return to.
Based on her comments, I'm betting that her biggest fear connected to a reconciliation, is that she'll' "waste her life as a boring housewife" and or, live a life without passion.
Is that^^ more or less the main thing?
Having little free time together is a huge obstacle to creating a closer M.
My suggestions are that you get IC for yourself, and see if down the road, you two can attend "Retrovaille", which i mentioned at length earlier. (I think I posted it here on this thread, but let me know if not).
That's for down the road OR IF you think she'd attend "to learn tools for handling co-parenting", I don't believe it could harm your r. For now, just research it in your area.
Keep the mystery going. I believe if she thinks she might lose you to OW and your changes are real, i.e. you have become the man she wanted you to become,
you'll see a change in her reaction to you. That means you must GAL asap.
Tell me something you've joined or started or signed up for, and if there is nothing, aim to repair that THIS month (as in April).
No more "Mr homebody" b/c she associates that with boredom and lack of passion.
And life is short. She does not want to be with or become a spectator in life. She wants to be with a participant in life. Make sense?
Have you changed your schedule yet? I know you said it's a "drastic pay cut" but here's the thing.'
IMO, at some point you have to get a day job, b/c you'll either never reconcile but need to meet OWs and friends and I can't see how that works if you are never awake when 90% of other people are...
OR you will reconcile and she'll have her nights alone again, which she clearly does not want. Plus you'll have more time with your d.
IF I were you, I'd be looking for day jobs that pay as well as you can find...regardless of what your w is doing.
I mean, how can you reconcile without changing that schedule of yours?
Keep on keeping on and I'll post more later...
I think you're on the right track for how you interact. You just need to be DOING MORE when she is not around you, FOR you...and for your changes.
A little mystery would be GOOD for you (and maybe for her to see that you are a good catch, sexy to OWs, would be good. Dress up, get a NEW Cologne
(newness means mystery and change and it's such an easy one to make, plus it will make her wonder)...trust me on this. I'm very scent oriented and a lot of women are...
This is just an example of change you can demonstrate, but that isn't life shattering, yet will be noticed...
You need to have a very "busy meeting new interesting people, doing FUN things and going to fascinating places, so Ta Ta for now"...type of attitude.
Make sense?
((( )))
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
