Two big 180s today. .. was 5 minutes into commute to work when I realized I left my phone at home. Old me would have been in a state of panic , fuming at my stupidity, stressing about being late to work. H was at the house watching our D. But instead of coming back in a panicked huff, I came back totally calm and pleasant-- and stayed calm even though I couldn't find it for like 5 minutes.
I felt really proud about that.
Earlier, H noticed a new something I had bought for the house. "Oh, you bought a ...? Why?" Old me would have gotten defensive, felt judged, said something like, "does it bother you?". Instead, I just answered his question calmly
I am confident, capable and strong. He is a fool. I've been thinking a lot more about the things I was unhappy about in our M. I tried to talk to him about them in the past, suggested MC. He always refused. And I was too ill and too afraid to actually take any steps to make a change. Maybe there is someone out there who will be a better match for me. H and I do not speak the same love or apology language. We had so much trouble understanding each other. I certainly can't make him change, and I can't make him want to change. And someone so inflexible and rigid and limited in their capacity to self-reflect is not a good match for me.
I know that my next relationship will be healthier because I am so much more at peace with myself and I know I can change a dynamic single-handedly--i am powerful! That feels really great.
