Redefining Hope and Success

[juliegayle]

The contact (2 she called again) with ow has affected me more than I thought. I thought I was reasoning with her but really I was just getting sucked into whatever game they are playing. It really hurts that she knows so much about my life and the two of them are banded together against me.

I have to go back to basics. Working on detaching. Not letting things affect me. If she wants to believe him that he only drinks because of me and she is saving him... fine. It hurts like hell but I have to get back to a place where I know it has nothing to do with me.

My therapist suggested a month between sessions since I was doing so well. When I go back next week I will tell her that really didn't work.

The ow had nerve to tell me I got what I gave and that is why h left me. This while she lies through her teeth telling me she is not having a physical or emotional relationship with h. And telling me not to take s to our new church because he may get kidnapped there. No morals, liar, And crazy. And she wants me to let her babysit my s!!!

I have so much work to do to get back on the healthy path I was before.

I also am ready to admit publicly for th he first time that the way h treats me is emotional abuse. Our cable bundle got shut off because we couldn't afford it because h has been bringing home tiny pay checks with no real explanation. I got us new service and got everything in the house connected except the smart tv. Last night h yelled at me that I had to do it because I "screwed it all up in the first place" how is it my fault. oh I forgot that EVERYTHING is. He then goes on how I won't be able to do it because I am useless and can't do anything. ( this is after he spent 30 min and couldn't do it) spent hour on phone with tech and still not working but I will figure it out.

I have to remember what I was doing before when I was feeling good. I am breaking it down to small goals..

This week. Meditate daily, yoga, will not answer if ow calls again. Will not talk to h about anything other than s.any other necessary info will be communicated through email. I will not cover for or make exuses for h when he does not chaperone a field trip tomorrow that he committed to months ago and now just says "no".