We choose our thinking and by doing that we choose our life. So you choose to focus on this:
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I miss my boy, Bug. Desperately. And as much as people say "make the most out of the time you have with him" it doesn't take away the pain of him being gone. And this is the way it will be for his entire childhood.
rather than all the blessings you have. you have a healthy soon who loves you, an XW who doesn't have you in court every 10 minutes. You have a job and by what you've said here a nice house. You're able to take S on vacations. You're able to pay for him to be in a pretty good pre-school env't I would guess.
25 had a very nice response to this
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I am afraid of missing out on chunks of my son's life. Chunks that can't be filled with pictures, or videos or Skype chats.
We all have to leave our children for chunks of time, it's how we respond to that condition that sets the tone for everyone. What are your values around this issue and what you want him to learn from you as a man and a father and a human being walking on this earth. Are you living those values?
Do you practice gratitude? I mean really practice it? Get up every day and write down 3 things you're grateful for. I'm serious. YOu can't be simultaneously grateful and a victim. So find more things to be grateful for, everyday.
k_g is so right about denying your son's feelings. Let him have his sad feelings. They're real, they matter to him. Your denying them could make him feel ashamed and then he will try and stuff them. Again something to talk to your IC about.
Crimson, I challenge you to stop bashing yourself. Your negative self-talk is self-defeating but it's also manipulative and it keeps you in the victim place. When those thoughts start up in your mind, recognize what you're doing and let it go. Talk back to your mind, it doesn't always tell the truth. Same when you want to write them out here, recognize what your're doing and make a different choice. It's not easy but it's doable. Another topic for IC.
It's work, but it's worth it.
“Self-acceptance means you refuse to buy into your judgments your mind makes about you, whether they’re good judgments or bad ones. Instead of judging yourself, you recognize your strengths and your weaknesses, and you do what you can to be the person you want to be.” Dr.Russ Harris
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
